Lent day 29

greetings...

i went to see mr price at the end of the day today...

he was sitting by himself in the family room of the trailer in 33619...

there were people all around him...

his daughter...

his grandkids...

his family...

but he was in his own little world...

disengaged...

he seemed glad to see me...

we left the "family room" and went back to his bedroom...

we settled in...

started to talk...

but, he just didn't seem "right"...

i wondered what was up...

so i asked...

"what's wrong?"

"i am so lonely...

i wish i would have never moved down here to FL...

i am so alone that it hurts..."

we talked a little about family dynamics...

then he said...

"i would rather sit in here -- in my own room -- by myself...

than be ignored by everyone out there...

the kids don't talk to me...

my daughter has changed -- she is so distant...

she cashes my check...

but doesn't give me my allowance anymore..."

"i am so lonely...

it hurts...

wish i had never moved south..."

then i realized who was missing...

his little dog...

[a real nuisance and menace...]


"where is your dog"

he teared up...

"while i was on a five-day respite at the nursing home...

so my daughter could get some rest...

they gave my dog away...

he is gone...

they said he won't be coming back...

i miss him so much...

he was always right here with me..."

"i am so lonely...

it just hurts..."

mr price is not alone in his loneliness...

i am convinced it is one of the biggest "curses" of growing old...

being overwhelmed by loneliness...

feeling left out...

like the third verse of an old gospel hymn...

[remember, we always sang verses 1, 2 and 4...]

like a fifth wheel...

being the odd person out...

alone...

and hurting...

hurting so badly...

that one just wants to die...

are there answers???

let me reflect on a few from my experience...

1. a pet...

i cannot tell you how angry i got when i found out that his family had given his dog away...

it almost made me want to believe in hell again...

2. solitude...

the spiritual practice of sitting and listening...

you probably think i am crazy on this one...

but, i am not...

those who are skilled at solitude truly experience god's presence...

a perpetual presence...

am abiding presence...

a faithful presence...

we are never alone when we are connecting with god...

3. redefining "success"...

i used to be so important that i only had time for big stuff...

i was a good leader...

as i was taught, i did the big stuff that ONLY I could [or should] do...

no time for holding hands [even when people were dying]...

no interest in listening to the marginalized [like mr price] babble about his loneliness...

there was no place in my carefully massaged schedule for "down time" or "non-productive time" [with the little people of the world]...

i was important...

and busy...

bullcrap...

i was wrong...

really wrong...

jesus shows up in some of the simplest things with some of the most insignificant people...

a new way of looking at success...

4. the paradox of time...

we americans have more time-saving gadgets than almost anyone in the world...

but we have less time...

never time just to hang out...

or talk with old people...

or let mr price tell the same stories about driving semi trucks for years...

or have a too-long dinner with a friend...

or drink java on the front porch...

two-thirds world folks have more time for this kind of stuff...

but we know that they are not really productive [?]...

maybe they are just smarter than we are...

my patients only have six months to live...

very limited time...

not much at all...

you and i...

we have time...

much more time...

or do we?

my patients actually have MORE time for what really counts than we do...

wasting moments with friends...

doing a whole lot of nothing with family...

playing with a dog...

reflecting on death...

forgiving the harsh people in their lives...

remembering...

listening to god...

so, who really has time...

it is a paradox...

5. angels...

some angels are people...

like LPH volunteers...

like the folks from the KAIROS micro church...

busy people...

who are NOT too busy to visit with dying people who have time on their hands...

like jimmy...

like ileana...

like ricky...

jesus celebrates YOUR investment in the secret places...

he sees your heart...

he knows the difference you make...

and so do i!!!

i am not alone as i write tonight -- jeep is snoring on the bed next to me...

what a great friend...

plus, i can feel you -- out there in the blogosphere -- we are together...

thanks for your partnership...

guy

by the way, THANK YOU..

from my plea last night for help...

medium shirts are coming in from TN...

women's clothes from another one of my micro church families...

an offer of help from NC...

WOW!!!

i am touched...

THANK YOU!!!