good evening...
life gets so busy...
life moves so fast...
life seems like a whirlwind at times...
how do we chill?
how do we mash pause?
how do we pursue what the spiritual masters call the practice of "slowing"?
i got a lesson today...
i visited deborah one month ago today...
she was alert and oriented...
she was sick, she had cancer...
but she seemed "fine" for the time being...
we were talking at a surface level during this last visit and then she opened up...
"guy, i am afraid to die..."
we went deeper really fast...
we were making such great progress, but then she ran out of energy...
"i am so tired -- can we pick this up next time?"
sounded OK...
ot would only be a month...
so today was the day...
but there would be no deep spiritual interaction today...
what a change!
deborah's breathing was so labored...
she was struggling just to get her breath...
she was semi-conscious...
not alert...
totally disoriented...
the silence was deafening...
broken only infrequently by an occasional unintelligible groan...
it seemed she was saying "help me"...
a prayer???
what could i do???
nothing...
then god planted a thought...
"spend an hour holding her hand..."
doing nothing interactive...
doing nothing "productive" as a board certified chaplain...
doing nothing that would be noticed...
just pray...
just sing [very quietly of course]...
just read the psalms...
just comfort her when she groans...
just chill...
just wait...
just "be there"...
the first five minutes seemed like a year...
i felt i had done everything i could in about ten minutes...
OK god, really, 45 more minutes???
i focused on her hand...
holding it...
returning an occasional squeeze...
comforting her when she stirred...
presence really does matter...
well, i made it...
one whole hour...
my body had relaxed...
my soul was at peace...
my spirit felt connected...
thank you lord for real-life lessons...
i am much better for it!
i wonder if deborah will live through the night???
pax et bonum...
guy
i am still thinking about "conversion" -- what is it -- REALLY???
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Do you think conversion might be when we finally realize it's not all about us?That our conversion only comes when we stop allowing ourselves to become self-absorbed and start seeing our lives as a hand from God extended to those around us. Maybe when we stop asking God "why" and start asking him "how", we will see conversion realized in our own lives. Perhaps that's when we will see conversion in our minds, hearts and desires. Then our lives may become fruitful and God-present.
ReplyDeleteI believe you did a powerful service for Deborah. There's so much power and healing in touch. Maybe you didn't feel 'productive' but I will bet holding her hand was the very thing she needed. It can mean so much more than words.
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