Good evening...
I love what Richard Rohr has to say about SELF RESPECT:
"You cannot give yourself away until you have a self...It seems to me the people who have the best sense of self, who don't constantly need to have it affirmed or stroked, are people with self-respecting boundaries. They are always people who, in some way or another, know how to set limits to their lives and know, quite simply, how to say NO to themselves. They have an appropriate sense of boundaries and an instinctive sense of their own center...That is precisely the way the ego is formed -- NOT by pandering to the self, but in fact by setting limits to its voracious appetites. That gives ego the boudaries and the center that it needs. You are SOMETHING, it tells you, because there is something there you can say NO to. The SACRED NO to the self, ironically, gives us a sense of self-respect. Continued YESES to the self are actually a humiliation of the ego..."
I wish I would have known this in my 20s, 30s and early 40s -- I was clueless...
Sometimes an out of control ego passes itself off as spirituality -- I had few boundaries in mininstry for most of my life -- thought I could do it all -- guess I was playing "god" and not doing a very good job...
I didn't say NO enough -- this lack of boudaries caused me to lose my center -- with God, myself, my family and my real friends...
I cared too much about what other people thought -- if I didn't say the compulsive YES, they may not like me...
At 50, I don't care as much about what people think...
I have discovered the sacred NO -- now, I do have something to give -- my self -- because I have a center -- I have some boundaries -- I experience seasons of fullness and overflowing...
There is greater fulfillment in giving when you have something inside to give...
In my days of the driven YES, I was always running on empty -- trying to give away something I did not have -- what stress...
Now, there is more peace -- not all the time -- but the journey is moving in the right direction...
How was your day???
I had another day filled with advents of Jesus...
My first visit was deep in the 'hood -- this is the rooming house where crack is routinely sold in the parking lot -- I also met a BIG white pit bull today [I was blessed with a lick instead of a mangling]. I never saw him coming as I walked toward the door until it was too late -- I knew I couldn't outrun him -- I was too far from the Scion and not close enough to the door -- no man's land. When he got to me, I extended my hand for a sniff -- I still have my hand -- he licked it...
Praise the Lord...
Once inside, I met the patient...
JB was my age...
Nothing but skin and bones...
Very little hair left -- I could actually see the bones protruding from her face...
No teeth...
A blank stare -- there was nothing in her eyes...
She turned sexual tricks for drugs on Nebraska Avenue until there was no longer a market for her body...
She smoked crack for years...
In fact, she was open -- "I still smoke crack..."
She is dying of HIV / aids...
She opened up and told me of bondage...
"Dat ole devil done wrapped me up in strong chains and locked me up wid a big ol' lock -- he done throwed away da key..."
I was broken...
Don't ever question the reality of evil -- the plan of darkness -- I was looking at all the theological truth I will ever need...
The thief had been stealing, killing and destroying Ms JB for years...
Pain and suffering causes openness -- the kindness of God brings about repentance -- love and acceptance breaks down walls of guilt and shame...
Jesus was present -- another advent -- on Commanche Avenue in the 'hood...
We held hands and talked to Jesus...
Ms JB knew that it was advent -- she knew that Jesus was there -- she prayed to him and started the journey of life -- life to the full...
She may die -- but she will never DIE!
She may give up her physical breath -- but never the breath of the Spirit who filled her today...
One of the best parts -- I get to join her on her journey...
I have time now to do so now -- no budget meetings -- no city council meetings -- no big pulpit to fill -- no dignitaries to entertain -- I am NOT that important now...
Or, maybe I am more important than I have ever been -- at least to the JBs of the world...
She will die well -- thanks to Jesus and me...
My heart is so full tonight -- happy Advent to you and yours...
Shalom...
guy
Josh and I are going to "try out" a one year old Boxer on Sunday after I preach in Ft Pierce...
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