greetings...
just finished my thought for tomorrow for the tampa underground community...
and for YOU!!!
"His name was John…
He was dying…
He was old as dirt – about 90 or so…
But he was still charming…
Steely blue eyes that danced when he talked – and flirted – with the nurses…
And he was always flirting with the ladies…
He still had his sense of humor…
His full head of silky gray hair gave him a distinguished air…
He had been a politician in his earlier life up north – he was a gracious gentleman…
I think he used to sell ice to the Yankees in Maine during the wintertime [ha! ha!]…
He was a favorite of the hospice staff – especially the women…
John was my patient – then he became my friend – we developed a rapport…
One day as the journey was winding down – our chat turned more serious…
'John, what do you think happens after you die?'
'Well Guy, that’s pretty simple – I know just what happens… I die – they stick me in a box – then chunk me in the ground – then worms eat me – it’s all over at that point after I become worm food…'
I was shocked… Really shocked… He was so sure…
John was a reasonable, intelligent and reflective man – not an idiot or a moron…
I had never thought of him as worm food…
And yet his end-of-life 'hope' seemed so lame…
In fact, I was missing the hope altogether…
And John is not the only one…
So many people are anticipating a less-than-glorious future as worm food…
There must be hope… There has to be more… MUCH MORE!!!
I am not exactly sure what that MORE is [and I tend to be afraid of those who already know-it-all about the end times – I usually run the other way from these modern day Gnostics] – but I do want to suggest a couple of thoughts on this Maundy Thursday…
First, I believe there is something beyond this life – this life simply is NOT all there is…
I believe that 'something' is very personal – a welcoming home by a loving Father on the other side of the 'valley of the shadow of death'…
Maybe an image is even better than many words of explanation…
Henri Nouwen expresses the mystery beyond in this way: 'Dying is a gradual diminishing and final vanishing over the horizon of life. When we watch a sailboat leaving port and moving toward the horizon, it becomes smaller and smaller until we can no longer see it. But we must trust that someone is standing on a faraway shore seeing that same sailboat become larger and larger until it reaches its new harbor. Death is a painful loss. When we return to our homes after a burial, our hearts are in grief. But when we think about the One standing at the other shore eagerly waiting to welcome our beloved friend into a new home, a smile can break through our tears.'
Worm food? Not so much!
A personal welcome awaits the beloved children of the Father – God is the One standing on the other shore – we will finally be home in a way we have never been before…
It is at this point that real life – life the way God has always intended it – bursts forth for all eternity…
There is NOT nothingness…
There is something to look forward to – something to live for!
Secondly, I believe that what we are doing right now counts – really counts – not just for now, but for the future as well…
I love 1 Corinthians 15 – especially verses 50-57 – but until last year I never could figure out why Paul included verse 58. It did not seem to fit for me… I actually wondered if it might have gotten misplaced – maybe it belonged somewhere else…
'So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord’s work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless [or in vain]…'
What does this have to do with all his talk of the resurrection???
Consider this…
It is a mystery, but the power of the resurrection is so awesome that it means our work for the Lord counts today – for sure – but is also futuristic…
It is paid forward in ways beyond our comprehension into the kingdom to come…
Our lives and missions really do matter!
Laying everything on the line is no waste – it is what we are created for!
YES, it really counts – in this world and in the coming kingdom!
That pumps up my enthusiasm – how about you???
So, let’s GO FOR IT – let’s make a difference now and forever!!!
Guy
By the way, I also shared with John a third thought as well – the hope of a brand new body – but that’s another story and is for tomorrow…"
more later...
my eyes are heavy [and Jeep is ready for bed]...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday of Holy Week...
greetings...
hope you had an awesome day...
here is my devotional thought i wrote for the tampa underground community...
"I just turned 51.
It was a great birthday – they really do seem to get better as you get older… At least that has been my experience the last couple of years… Maybe I am finally growing up? Maybe I just like myself better? Maybe I finally realize that I am the beloved of my Father [and nothing else really matters]…
I got some neat gifts, but one of my favorites was a book from Jennifer… I liked the book, but it was even better that she wrote a personal note in it – way cool… She said I was her “favorite chaplain” – that felt really good [but I’m not sure how many chaplains she knows?]…
Since Jennifer gave me this book – Theirs Is The Kingdom: Celebrating The Gospel In Urban America – I decided to actually read it… Very soon…
Have I told you how much I hate dentists?
Until my last toothache from hell a couple of weeks back, I had successfully avoided going to a dentist for 17 years – NOT VERY SMART! I do not recommend it…
So, there was a very long list of stuff the dentist needed to do to me – mostly penance for years of inattention – stuff like a root canal, fillings, resurfacings, etc. and etc. I am sure the bill will cover his office rent for at least a month – ouch…
When you get to be 51, things start to wear out – like your teeth – and other stuff I can’t remember right now…
Last Monday was the root canal – the first installment of pain… I was scared – like really scared… It bugged me all day on Palm Sunday – I had trouble sleeping on Sunday night… I woke up Monday and wanted to go to work – yes, I was that scared…
I got to the office before 8 a.m.
I knew I would have to wait and wait and wait… So I took my prized book – the gift from my friend… I finished the whole book while I was waiting and waiting and waiting… I read in the waiting room… I read in the exam room… I was still reading when the dentist finally entered… I just kept reading while he was arranging all his tools of torture…
I was in the chair – I had already been needled – THANK GOD for pain meds… I could no longer feel the whole right side of my face – even my ear was numb… Then, there was this quote from Robert Lupton that literally jumped off the page…
'But the church has no future. We have only the present. In this present moment we must spend, lavish and give away our tomorrows for the sake of the kingdom today. In short, we must die. Today. That is the only way to save our lives. The church is called to live at Golgotha. If perchance tomorrow morning we discover that our depleted spirits have a new supply of energy, that the emptied offering plate is full once again and from sacrificial dreams whole new dimensions of life have burst forth, then we will begin to understand something of what the resurrection is about. On the other side of death, each death, stands our risen Lord. And he beckons us…'
Easter is coming this Sunday…
But the resurrection is a reality 24/7 EVERY day…
Be on the lookout TODAY – let’s take note of “what the resurrection is about” in the flow of our lives and missions throughout Holy Week and beyond…
Maybe it has something to do with the “other food” Brian talked about last weekend…
Are we hungry – really? Are we eating the missional manna? Are we feasting on Jesus?
Maybe the reality of the resurrection means that there is always sufficiency and abundance in Jesus – when our trust is in him alone…
Maybe we really don’t even discover the deepest meaning of the resurrection until we risk – go beyond our own capacities and comfort zones…
What about us – YOU and ME – what are we willing to risk for the kingdom NOW???"
Guy
"By the way, have you made your list and begun to ask your friends to “come and see” Jesus this Sunday at the Centro Asturiano – 'we have only the present' so let’s just do it!"
hope you are having an awesome holy week...
hope you had an awesome day...
here is my devotional thought i wrote for the tampa underground community...
"I just turned 51.
It was a great birthday – they really do seem to get better as you get older… At least that has been my experience the last couple of years… Maybe I am finally growing up? Maybe I just like myself better? Maybe I finally realize that I am the beloved of my Father [and nothing else really matters]…
I got some neat gifts, but one of my favorites was a book from Jennifer… I liked the book, but it was even better that she wrote a personal note in it – way cool… She said I was her “favorite chaplain” – that felt really good [but I’m not sure how many chaplains she knows?]…
Since Jennifer gave me this book – Theirs Is The Kingdom: Celebrating The Gospel In Urban America – I decided to actually read it… Very soon…
Have I told you how much I hate dentists?
Until my last toothache from hell a couple of weeks back, I had successfully avoided going to a dentist for 17 years – NOT VERY SMART! I do not recommend it…
So, there was a very long list of stuff the dentist needed to do to me – mostly penance for years of inattention – stuff like a root canal, fillings, resurfacings, etc. and etc. I am sure the bill will cover his office rent for at least a month – ouch…
When you get to be 51, things start to wear out – like your teeth – and other stuff I can’t remember right now…
Last Monday was the root canal – the first installment of pain… I was scared – like really scared… It bugged me all day on Palm Sunday – I had trouble sleeping on Sunday night… I woke up Monday and wanted to go to work – yes, I was that scared…
I got to the office before 8 a.m.
I knew I would have to wait and wait and wait… So I took my prized book – the gift from my friend… I finished the whole book while I was waiting and waiting and waiting… I read in the waiting room… I read in the exam room… I was still reading when the dentist finally entered… I just kept reading while he was arranging all his tools of torture…
I was in the chair – I had already been needled – THANK GOD for pain meds… I could no longer feel the whole right side of my face – even my ear was numb… Then, there was this quote from Robert Lupton that literally jumped off the page…
'But the church has no future. We have only the present. In this present moment we must spend, lavish and give away our tomorrows for the sake of the kingdom today. In short, we must die. Today. That is the only way to save our lives. The church is called to live at Golgotha. If perchance tomorrow morning we discover that our depleted spirits have a new supply of energy, that the emptied offering plate is full once again and from sacrificial dreams whole new dimensions of life have burst forth, then we will begin to understand something of what the resurrection is about. On the other side of death, each death, stands our risen Lord. And he beckons us…'
Easter is coming this Sunday…
But the resurrection is a reality 24/7 EVERY day…
Be on the lookout TODAY – let’s take note of “what the resurrection is about” in the flow of our lives and missions throughout Holy Week and beyond…
Maybe it has something to do with the “other food” Brian talked about last weekend…
Are we hungry – really? Are we eating the missional manna? Are we feasting on Jesus?
Maybe the reality of the resurrection means that there is always sufficiency and abundance in Jesus – when our trust is in him alone…
Maybe we really don’t even discover the deepest meaning of the resurrection until we risk – go beyond our own capacities and comfort zones…
What about us – YOU and ME – what are we willing to risk for the kingdom NOW???"
Guy
"By the way, have you made your list and begun to ask your friends to “come and see” Jesus this Sunday at the Centro Asturiano – 'we have only the present' so let’s just do it!"
hope you are having an awesome holy week...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday of Holy Week
greetings...
the following is day 2 of my devotional thoughts for the tampa underground community as we journey toward easter together...
so glad you are with us as well!!!
"My family has a new white Boxer puppy named Jeep – and yes, with all humility, he is one of the most handsome dogs in canine history. He adds such joy to our lives… Jeep would love to meet you – he wants everyone to be his fan!
Jeep has not been able to attend a Crucible at the tampa underground – I guess there are reasonable limits on inclusivity [ha! ha!]… Maybe when we have an outdoor Crucible in the future???
Last Saturday night, our crew attended Crucible, so we were free on Sunday morning – Palm Sunday…
What a blessing after 25+ years of being a pastor…
So, Jeep and I decided to go worship at Rivercrest Park on Palm Sunday morning. It was glorious – I love overcast weather [weird huh?]. We walked four laps and then we sat down in the clover on the bank of the Hillsborough River.
God was there…
And he was speaking…
So I took some notes for us on my phone – here goes…
Spring has arrived. The trees were alive with green – many and varied shades of green. There were signs of growth all throughout the park as far as we could see. And there was pollen – loads of it…
Only the dead trees were barren [and boring]…
God was speaking to me about growth.
Now is a season for living things to grow – there were unmistakable signs of growth everywhere. Green leaves… Pollen… More pollen… Did I mention pollen? Spring is so beautiful – new growth bursting forth is so appealing, so engaging and so appropriate. Living things grow – it’s just part of being alive…
Not all the growth looked the same – individual trees each had their own color – their own shade of green. Yet they were all growing – at least, all the living ones. Dead trees don’t turn green with growth – they just stand there dead and wait to fall over… Every shade of green had its own beauty – its own loveliness – its own spring magic…
So what???
There is a rhyme and reason to the liturgical calendar – Holy Week is ALWAYS in the spring! Easter is ALWAYS in the spring! The season that explodes with growth, fruitfulness and LIFE – ALL creation is a willing and enthusiastic witness to the power of Holy Week and the centrality of Resurrection Sunday…
So how is it with us – with you and me?
Are we spiritually green with growth and fruitfulness – both in our character and in our mission? Growing in the fruit of the Holy Spirit? Growing in the gifts of the Holy Spirit? Is there clear and unmistakable evidence that we are fully alive? Are we bursting forth with the life of Jesus for all to see and enjoy? Are we an authentic witness of the Resurrection? Are we able to celebrate the growth of others – even when it may be a different hue of green – even when it may not look just like us? Or, do we find it too easy to spiral into condemnation of others who are growing, but may not be growing just like us – are we open enough to embrace their difference?
One more thought as we were leaving [Jeep was getting bored with solitude – he is still a youngster]…
While enjoying a final view of the river, I heard God remind me that he made the river flow – there was no need for me to push the river – he could handle the flow just fine. I think he meant the Hillsborough River AND the river of my life – another way of him gently reminding me that he is God and I am not!
I opened my hand right there by the river and released the control of my life once again to God – life always works best when I am living with an open hand… Not sure why I keep on grasping it so tightly and so frequently – guess I am still on the journey toward trust and release…
Is your hand clenched today – or, is it open?
Opening your hand releases control to God and it leaves us in a posture of receiving so that God can fill our open hand with his sufficiency…
A better way to live…"
have a blessed holy week...
guy
thank you for your prayers for my root canal -- i am doing OK...
the following is day 2 of my devotional thoughts for the tampa underground community as we journey toward easter together...
so glad you are with us as well!!!
"My family has a new white Boxer puppy named Jeep – and yes, with all humility, he is one of the most handsome dogs in canine history. He adds such joy to our lives… Jeep would love to meet you – he wants everyone to be his fan!
Jeep has not been able to attend a Crucible at the tampa underground – I guess there are reasonable limits on inclusivity [ha! ha!]… Maybe when we have an outdoor Crucible in the future???
Last Saturday night, our crew attended Crucible, so we were free on Sunday morning – Palm Sunday…
What a blessing after 25+ years of being a pastor…
So, Jeep and I decided to go worship at Rivercrest Park on Palm Sunday morning. It was glorious – I love overcast weather [weird huh?]. We walked four laps and then we sat down in the clover on the bank of the Hillsborough River.
God was there…
And he was speaking…
So I took some notes for us on my phone – here goes…
Spring has arrived. The trees were alive with green – many and varied shades of green. There were signs of growth all throughout the park as far as we could see. And there was pollen – loads of it…
Only the dead trees were barren [and boring]…
God was speaking to me about growth.
Now is a season for living things to grow – there were unmistakable signs of growth everywhere. Green leaves… Pollen… More pollen… Did I mention pollen? Spring is so beautiful – new growth bursting forth is so appealing, so engaging and so appropriate. Living things grow – it’s just part of being alive…
Not all the growth looked the same – individual trees each had their own color – their own shade of green. Yet they were all growing – at least, all the living ones. Dead trees don’t turn green with growth – they just stand there dead and wait to fall over… Every shade of green had its own beauty – its own loveliness – its own spring magic…
So what???
There is a rhyme and reason to the liturgical calendar – Holy Week is ALWAYS in the spring! Easter is ALWAYS in the spring! The season that explodes with growth, fruitfulness and LIFE – ALL creation is a willing and enthusiastic witness to the power of Holy Week and the centrality of Resurrection Sunday…
So how is it with us – with you and me?
Are we spiritually green with growth and fruitfulness – both in our character and in our mission? Growing in the fruit of the Holy Spirit? Growing in the gifts of the Holy Spirit? Is there clear and unmistakable evidence that we are fully alive? Are we bursting forth with the life of Jesus for all to see and enjoy? Are we an authentic witness of the Resurrection? Are we able to celebrate the growth of others – even when it may be a different hue of green – even when it may not look just like us? Or, do we find it too easy to spiral into condemnation of others who are growing, but may not be growing just like us – are we open enough to embrace their difference?
One more thought as we were leaving [Jeep was getting bored with solitude – he is still a youngster]…
While enjoying a final view of the river, I heard God remind me that he made the river flow – there was no need for me to push the river – he could handle the flow just fine. I think he meant the Hillsborough River AND the river of my life – another way of him gently reminding me that he is God and I am not!
I opened my hand right there by the river and released the control of my life once again to God – life always works best when I am living with an open hand… Not sure why I keep on grasping it so tightly and so frequently – guess I am still on the journey toward trust and release…
Is your hand clenched today – or, is it open?
Opening your hand releases control to God and it leaves us in a posture of receiving so that God can fill our open hand with his sufficiency…
A better way to live…"
have a blessed holy week...
guy
thank you for your prayers for my root canal -- i am doing OK...
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday of Holy Week
greetings!!!
well, this morning was the root canal...
it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be...
makes me wonder why i hadn't been to the dentist in 17 years???
dr graddy was A-OK...
i was almost hoping it would be worse so it might diminish my appetite for a few hours -- no such luck -- ha! ha!
the following is a reflection i wrote for my spiritual community -- the tampa underground [www.tampaunderground.com] -- as we prepare our hearts for easter worship next sunday...
hope you enjoy it...
"Today, we begin our journey together toward Resurrection Sunday…
The authenticity of our celebration depends on the preparation of our heart for Easter worship…
Our first step begins with a reflective question from Franciscan Richard Rohr: when have I consciously chosen to move downward in my life?
His thoughts are searching and provocative…
'I am going to direct you today toward the great parabolic movement of descent and ascent described in Philippians 2:6-11, the second reading on Palm Sunday. Most consider that this was originally a hymn sung in the early Christian community, and certainly an inspired one on many levels. The hymn artistically, honestly, but boldly describes that “secret hour” when God in Christ reversed the parabola, when the upward movement preferred by humans became the downward movement preferred by Jesus. It starts with the great self-emptying or kenosis, that we call the Incarnation in Bethlehem, and ends with the Crucifixion in Jerusalem. It brilliantly connects the two mysteries as one movement: down, down, down into the enfleshment of creation, into humanity’s depths and sadness, and finally into identification with those at the very bottom (“the form of a slave”) on the cross. Jesus represents God’s total solidarity with, and even love of, the human situation, as if to say, “Nothing human is abhorrent to me.” This is what we walk through together in this, our great Holy Week.'
This is a “riptide” thought – it goes totally against the prevailing flow of our culture…
What about us – you and me this Holy Week?
Have we followed Jesus in this powerful “reversal of the parabola” – have we exchanged the upward mobility obsession of our culture for the embrace of the downward mobility of Jesus?
What are some of the things we must personally “self-empty” if we are to become missional agents of the Incarnation in our city?
Let’s do an agape [love] check in our hearts – are we living and loving as if “nothing human is abhorrent to me?”
I still have a way to go – how about you?
That’s why I am so glad we are on this spiritual journey TOGETHER…"
more tomorrow...
love ya!!!
guy
tomorrow may be better -- i may be full of vicodin -- ha! ha!
well, this morning was the root canal...
it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be...
makes me wonder why i hadn't been to the dentist in 17 years???
dr graddy was A-OK...
i was almost hoping it would be worse so it might diminish my appetite for a few hours -- no such luck -- ha! ha!
the following is a reflection i wrote for my spiritual community -- the tampa underground [www.tampaunderground.com] -- as we prepare our hearts for easter worship next sunday...
hope you enjoy it...
"Today, we begin our journey together toward Resurrection Sunday…
The authenticity of our celebration depends on the preparation of our heart for Easter worship…
Our first step begins with a reflective question from Franciscan Richard Rohr: when have I consciously chosen to move downward in my life?
His thoughts are searching and provocative…
'I am going to direct you today toward the great parabolic movement of descent and ascent described in Philippians 2:6-11, the second reading on Palm Sunday. Most consider that this was originally a hymn sung in the early Christian community, and certainly an inspired one on many levels. The hymn artistically, honestly, but boldly describes that “secret hour” when God in Christ reversed the parabola, when the upward movement preferred by humans became the downward movement preferred by Jesus. It starts with the great self-emptying or kenosis, that we call the Incarnation in Bethlehem, and ends with the Crucifixion in Jerusalem. It brilliantly connects the two mysteries as one movement: down, down, down into the enfleshment of creation, into humanity’s depths and sadness, and finally into identification with those at the very bottom (“the form of a slave”) on the cross. Jesus represents God’s total solidarity with, and even love of, the human situation, as if to say, “Nothing human is abhorrent to me.” This is what we walk through together in this, our great Holy Week.'
This is a “riptide” thought – it goes totally against the prevailing flow of our culture…
What about us – you and me this Holy Week?
Have we followed Jesus in this powerful “reversal of the parabola” – have we exchanged the upward mobility obsession of our culture for the embrace of the downward mobility of Jesus?
What are some of the things we must personally “self-empty” if we are to become missional agents of the Incarnation in our city?
Let’s do an agape [love] check in our hearts – are we living and loving as if “nothing human is abhorrent to me?”
I still have a way to go – how about you?
That’s why I am so glad we are on this spiritual journey TOGETHER…"
more tomorrow...
love ya!!!
guy
tomorrow may be better -- i may be full of vicodin -- ha! ha!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Palm Sunday 2010
greetings!
technically, today marks the end of the lenten season...
it is palm sunday...
40 days removed from ash wednesday...
it has flown by...
it has crept by...
it is gone...
how has this time span impacted us?
spiritually?
now, the beginning of holy week...
time for the "creasters" to get out their sunday best...
[creasters are those who faithfully attend worship ever christmas and easter...]
time to make plans for easter...
new clothes...
family gathering plans...
where will the kids stalk the eggs?
who has the best jesus "show" for the weekend...
where is the most audacious production...
who will give the best gifts?
who will spend the most for the delight of the consuming "community"?
and, almost as an afterthought...
it is easter sunday...
it is resurrection sunday...
easter is all about jesus being raised from the dead...
physically...
miraculously...
eternally...
or, will this true truth get lost in the celebrations of the other stuff???
maybe our preparation this week will free us to keep the main thing the main thing...
althought the lenten blog ends today with this entry...
[by the way, THANK YOU for reading and for your encouragement throughout the journey...]
i plan to blog through holy week...
[hope you will hang with me...]
i want my heart to be ready for next sunday...
and yours too...
from henri nouwen...
reflecting on the "path of waiting"...
"passion is a kind of waiting - waiting for what other people are going to do.
jesus went to jerusalem to announce the good news to the people of that city.
and jesus knew that he was going to put a choice before them: will you be my disciple, or will you be my executioner?
there is no middle ground here.
jesus went to jerusalem to put people in a situation where they had to say "yes" or "no".
that is the great drama of jesus' passion: he had to wait for their response.
what would they do?
betray him or follow him?
in a way, his agony is not simply the agony of approaching death.
it is also the agony of being out of control and of having to wait.
it is the agony of a god who depends on us to decide how to live out the divine presence among us.
it is the agony of the god who, in a very mysterious way, allows us to decide how god will be god.
here we glimpse the mystery of god's incarnation.
god became human not only to act among us but also to be the recipient of our responses.
. . . and that is the mystery of jesus' love.
jesus in his passion is the one who waits for our response.
precisely in that waiting the intensity of his love and god's is revealed to us."
can you feel the love???
HAPPY PALM SUNDAY!!!
guy
technically, today marks the end of the lenten season...
it is palm sunday...
40 days removed from ash wednesday...
it has flown by...
it has crept by...
it is gone...
how has this time span impacted us?
spiritually?
now, the beginning of holy week...
time for the "creasters" to get out their sunday best...
[creasters are those who faithfully attend worship ever christmas and easter...]
time to make plans for easter...
new clothes...
family gathering plans...
where will the kids stalk the eggs?
who has the best jesus "show" for the weekend...
where is the most audacious production...
who will give the best gifts?
who will spend the most for the delight of the consuming "community"?
and, almost as an afterthought...
it is easter sunday...
it is resurrection sunday...
easter is all about jesus being raised from the dead...
physically...
miraculously...
eternally...
or, will this true truth get lost in the celebrations of the other stuff???
maybe our preparation this week will free us to keep the main thing the main thing...
althought the lenten blog ends today with this entry...
[by the way, THANK YOU for reading and for your encouragement throughout the journey...]
i plan to blog through holy week...
[hope you will hang with me...]
i want my heart to be ready for next sunday...
and yours too...
from henri nouwen...
reflecting on the "path of waiting"...
"passion is a kind of waiting - waiting for what other people are going to do.
jesus went to jerusalem to announce the good news to the people of that city.
and jesus knew that he was going to put a choice before them: will you be my disciple, or will you be my executioner?
there is no middle ground here.
jesus went to jerusalem to put people in a situation where they had to say "yes" or "no".
that is the great drama of jesus' passion: he had to wait for their response.
what would they do?
betray him or follow him?
in a way, his agony is not simply the agony of approaching death.
it is also the agony of being out of control and of having to wait.
it is the agony of a god who depends on us to decide how to live out the divine presence among us.
it is the agony of the god who, in a very mysterious way, allows us to decide how god will be god.
here we glimpse the mystery of god's incarnation.
god became human not only to act among us but also to be the recipient of our responses.
. . . and that is the mystery of jesus' love.
jesus in his passion is the one who waits for our response.
precisely in that waiting the intensity of his love and god's is revealed to us."
can you feel the love???
HAPPY PALM SUNDAY!!!
guy
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Lent day 39
greetings...
our micro church on sunday pm is reading donald miller's new book...
"a million miles in a thousand years"...
pretty cool story...
it is about the process of turning don's life story into a movie...
writing a story line...
editing...
establishing a message...
here are five thoughts...
miller: "the saddest thing about life is you don't remember half of it. you don't even remember half of half of it. not even a tiny percentage, if you want to know the truth..."
have you ever tried to stop and remember...
maybe make some lists...
i know i just lost some of you -- ha! ha!
a list of your ten most important decisions...
your ten most strategic friends...
your ten happiest moments...
your ten saddest moments...
your ten milemarker events [standout moments] to this point in your life...
miller: "the thing about trying to remember your life is it makes you wonder what any of it means. you get the feeling life means something, but you're not sure what. life has a peculiar feel when you look back on it that it doesn't have when you're actually living it..."
the spiritual masters claim that one's life is shaped and formed by a very small number of extremely strategic events...
ben johnson calls them "milemarker events"...
if you looked back at your life now...
with an eye toward discerning what it means...
could you write your life's story with ten bullet points...
ten strategic events...
ten milemarkers...
can you see the flow more clearly???
can you make sense out of it???
can you discern the meaning???
miller: "not all the scenes in my life have been pleasant, though, and i'm not sure what god means with the hard things..."
what do you think god is doing with the "hard things"...
what is the meaning of suffering...
YOUR suffering???
miller: "we were about to explore my same old places in a way that might make them feel new...dream it all up again. everybody wants to go back, man. everybody wants to make their life right. we get to edit your story so it has punch and meaning. that has to be an incredible feeling..."
WOW!!!
if you could edit your life at this juncture...
how would you do it?
what would you change?
what would "making it right" look like???
miller: "it is all about the story...in a pure story there is a purpose in every scene, in every line of dialogue. a movie is going somewhere. that last line rang in my ear like an accusation...without story, experiences are just random..."
what about your story...
the narrative of your life...
is it going somewhere???
where is it going???
are your current experiences "fitting" into your story line???
how???
is this a struggle for you???
join me in reflecting...
blessings!!!
guy
let me be the first to wish you a HAPPY PALM SUNDAY in the morning!!!
Holy Week is here...
Easter is in sight!!!
But then again, the Easter experience is a 24/7 reality for the children of God!!!
our micro church on sunday pm is reading donald miller's new book...
"a million miles in a thousand years"...
pretty cool story...
it is about the process of turning don's life story into a movie...
writing a story line...
editing...
establishing a message...
here are five thoughts...
miller: "the saddest thing about life is you don't remember half of it. you don't even remember half of half of it. not even a tiny percentage, if you want to know the truth..."
have you ever tried to stop and remember...
maybe make some lists...
i know i just lost some of you -- ha! ha!
a list of your ten most important decisions...
your ten most strategic friends...
your ten happiest moments...
your ten saddest moments...
your ten milemarker events [standout moments] to this point in your life...
miller: "the thing about trying to remember your life is it makes you wonder what any of it means. you get the feeling life means something, but you're not sure what. life has a peculiar feel when you look back on it that it doesn't have when you're actually living it..."
the spiritual masters claim that one's life is shaped and formed by a very small number of extremely strategic events...
ben johnson calls them "milemarker events"...
if you looked back at your life now...
with an eye toward discerning what it means...
could you write your life's story with ten bullet points...
ten strategic events...
ten milemarkers...
can you see the flow more clearly???
can you make sense out of it???
can you discern the meaning???
miller: "not all the scenes in my life have been pleasant, though, and i'm not sure what god means with the hard things..."
what do you think god is doing with the "hard things"...
what is the meaning of suffering...
YOUR suffering???
miller: "we were about to explore my same old places in a way that might make them feel new...dream it all up again. everybody wants to go back, man. everybody wants to make their life right. we get to edit your story so it has punch and meaning. that has to be an incredible feeling..."
WOW!!!
if you could edit your life at this juncture...
how would you do it?
what would you change?
what would "making it right" look like???
miller: "it is all about the story...in a pure story there is a purpose in every scene, in every line of dialogue. a movie is going somewhere. that last line rang in my ear like an accusation...without story, experiences are just random..."
what about your story...
the narrative of your life...
is it going somewhere???
where is it going???
are your current experiences "fitting" into your story line???
how???
is this a struggle for you???
join me in reflecting...
blessings!!!
guy
let me be the first to wish you a HAPPY PALM SUNDAY in the morning!!!
Holy Week is here...
Easter is in sight!!!
But then again, the Easter experience is a 24/7 reality for the children of God!!!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Lent day 38
greetings...
i used to have so much energy on friday night...
party time...
fun time...
go out and about...
but that was then...
now is now...
i am so tired on friday night...
all i want to do is veg out...
and hit the sack...
i would not have even walked today when i finally got home...
but there was jeep [our boxer pup]...
standing at the door looking for me...
with that look in his eye...
his tail wagging...
his whole body was doing the doggie wave...
how could i say no to him...
i survived the walk -- barely...
now it's nap time...
for about 8-9 hours...
PTL!!!
but, before i sign off...
listen to richard rohr...
"spiritual life is a matter of becoming who you truly are...
it's not becoming catherine of siena...
or some other saint...
but who YOU are...
it sounds easy enough...
but being who you truly are is work, courage and faith..."
in my early days...
i tried to "copy" my spiritual heroes...
be like billy graham...
be like wayne lee...
be like floyd mcclung...
be like bill hybels...
be life mark rutland...
just be like someone spiritual and successful...
but that armor never fits...
so glad i am free of that mindset...
free to be me...
to be the me HE wants me to be...
that is truly spiritual...
to be the real me...
there is only one of me...
there is only one of you...
god made us unique...
god made us special...
god made us to be fully ourselves...
the point is discovered in the becoming...
wanna join me on the becoming journey???
let's just do it!!!
TOGETHER!!!
nighty night...
guy
remember that sunday is palm sunday...
the beginning of holy week...
let's prepare our hearts...
easter is on the horizon...
and that makes ALL the difference...
JESUS IS RISEN!!!
i used to have so much energy on friday night...
party time...
fun time...
go out and about...
but that was then...
now is now...
i am so tired on friday night...
all i want to do is veg out...
and hit the sack...
i would not have even walked today when i finally got home...
but there was jeep [our boxer pup]...
standing at the door looking for me...
with that look in his eye...
his tail wagging...
his whole body was doing the doggie wave...
how could i say no to him...
i survived the walk -- barely...
now it's nap time...
for about 8-9 hours...
PTL!!!
but, before i sign off...
listen to richard rohr...
"spiritual life is a matter of becoming who you truly are...
it's not becoming catherine of siena...
or some other saint...
but who YOU are...
it sounds easy enough...
but being who you truly are is work, courage and faith..."
in my early days...
i tried to "copy" my spiritual heroes...
be like billy graham...
be like wayne lee...
be like floyd mcclung...
be like bill hybels...
be life mark rutland...
just be like someone spiritual and successful...
but that armor never fits...
so glad i am free of that mindset...
free to be me...
to be the me HE wants me to be...
that is truly spiritual...
to be the real me...
there is only one of me...
there is only one of you...
god made us unique...
god made us special...
god made us to be fully ourselves...
the point is discovered in the becoming...
wanna join me on the becoming journey???
let's just do it!!!
TOGETHER!!!
nighty night...
guy
remember that sunday is palm sunday...
the beginning of holy week...
let's prepare our hearts...
easter is on the horizon...
and that makes ALL the difference...
JESUS IS RISEN!!!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Lent day 37
greetings!
i am on call tonight for LifePath Hospice...
from 5 pm until 8 am...
we provide 24/7 service to our patients and their families...
to do so in the spiritual care area...
we chaplains split on call duties...
usually around 3 per month...
hence, i am staring at the phone...
praying it does NOT ring...
i do NOT want to go out tonight...
i really want to go to sleep!
not feeling very spiritual...
but, i have promised myself to TRY to have at least one spiritual thought every day of lent...
so here goes...
oops...
still blank...
i will try again...
maybe i need a walk outside?
a big hug from Jeep?
a nap?
or, i could pray???
be right back........................................................................
got a kiss from the Jeepster...
here is my thought...
in fact, this thought has been occupying my mind for several weeks now...
a book idea i am working on...
would you PLEASE give me some input???
here is the basic thought and outline...
the book would be about MOMENTS...
aha MOMENTS...
MOMENTS where i learned from my patients...
MOMENTS where my mind and heart have been expanded...
MOMENTS where god showed up in simple homes in the inner city...
MOMENTS...
playing off the the greek word KAIROS...
KAIROS is one of two greek words for time...
the other is CHRONOS...
they are very different...
CHRONOS is about the passing of time -- common time...
seconds become minutes...
minutes become hours...
hours become days...
you get the idea...
KAIROS is about timely time -- propitious MOMENTS...
life-changing MOMENTS...
i am continually amazed at how god keeps showing up in these surprising and enriching MOMENTS...
KAIROS MOMENTS...
i want to learn to seize these moments...
i want to make the most of every one of these moments...
i want to fully live in these moments...
and allow them to shape my ministry and life...
MOMENTS...
check out colossians 4.2-6...
i love verse 5 where it encourages us to live wisely in this world and "to make the most of every opportunity..."
MOMENTS...
i am working on a top 12 list of my most meaningful moments over the past fours years as a hospice chaplain...
MOMENTS like...
a hope-full moment...
a peace-full moment...
an angry moment...
a lonely moment...
a fear-full moment...
a still moment...
a shocking moment...
a helpless moment...
a wasted moment...
a silent moment...
an uncomfortable moment...
a revelatory moment...
each essay would be constructed around a specific vignette...
with a real person [anonymous of course]...
an encounter of presence...
what do you think???
would love your input...
love ya!
guy
could i take your order for one of the books???
ha! ha!
i am on call tonight for LifePath Hospice...
from 5 pm until 8 am...
we provide 24/7 service to our patients and their families...
to do so in the spiritual care area...
we chaplains split on call duties...
usually around 3 per month...
hence, i am staring at the phone...
praying it does NOT ring...
i do NOT want to go out tonight...
i really want to go to sleep!
not feeling very spiritual...
but, i have promised myself to TRY to have at least one spiritual thought every day of lent...
so here goes...
oops...
still blank...
i will try again...
maybe i need a walk outside?
a big hug from Jeep?
a nap?
or, i could pray???
be right back........................................................................
got a kiss from the Jeepster...
here is my thought...
in fact, this thought has been occupying my mind for several weeks now...
a book idea i am working on...
would you PLEASE give me some input???
here is the basic thought and outline...
the book would be about MOMENTS...
aha MOMENTS...
MOMENTS where i learned from my patients...
MOMENTS where my mind and heart have been expanded...
MOMENTS where god showed up in simple homes in the inner city...
MOMENTS...
playing off the the greek word KAIROS...
KAIROS is one of two greek words for time...
the other is CHRONOS...
they are very different...
CHRONOS is about the passing of time -- common time...
seconds become minutes...
minutes become hours...
hours become days...
you get the idea...
KAIROS is about timely time -- propitious MOMENTS...
life-changing MOMENTS...
i am continually amazed at how god keeps showing up in these surprising and enriching MOMENTS...
KAIROS MOMENTS...
i want to learn to seize these moments...
i want to make the most of every one of these moments...
i want to fully live in these moments...
and allow them to shape my ministry and life...
MOMENTS...
check out colossians 4.2-6...
i love verse 5 where it encourages us to live wisely in this world and "to make the most of every opportunity..."
MOMENTS...
i am working on a top 12 list of my most meaningful moments over the past fours years as a hospice chaplain...
MOMENTS like...
a hope-full moment...
a peace-full moment...
an angry moment...
a lonely moment...
a fear-full moment...
a still moment...
a shocking moment...
a helpless moment...
a wasted moment...
a silent moment...
an uncomfortable moment...
a revelatory moment...
each essay would be constructed around a specific vignette...
with a real person [anonymous of course]...
an encounter of presence...
what do you think???
would love your input...
love ya!
guy
could i take your order for one of the books???
ha! ha!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Lent day 36
greetings!!!
i made a couple of joy-filled visits this week...
THANKS to you!
a friend in TN felt led to send two boxes of medium shirts for mr harris...
really nice shirts...
IZOD...
Polo...
the good stuff...
i gathered the shirts in my arms...
walked to the door...
knocked...
when mr harris came to greet me...
he was so excited!
he grabbed the shirts...
started looking through them...
what a smile...
he could feel the love...
all the way from TN...
i could feel the love...
god wrapped his arms around mr harris and hugged him...
with a compassionate gift of clothing...
love in action...
now he won't have to wear the same t-shirt every time i come to visit...
a friend in our sunday night group...
gathered a couple of big bags of women's clothes...
i was off to ms richardson's apartment...
i walked up the stairs and knocked on the door...
ms r was babysitting one of her grandbabies...
then, she saw the bags...
what a smile...
she tore into the bags...
totally thrilled...
totally thankful...
totally loved...
the message came through so clearly...
THANK YOU for being such clear messengers of love...
mr harris has been deeply touched...
so has ms richardson...
jesus is pleased as well...
matthew 25 in action...
i am so proud of YOU ALL...
thanks for sharing the journey...
we can make such a difference -- TOGETHER!!!
shalom...
guy
by the way...
mr harris still needs 2-3 pairs of size 31 waist pants...
ms richardson still needs 8.5 size shoes...
let me know if god speaks to you...
i made a couple of joy-filled visits this week...
THANKS to you!
a friend in TN felt led to send two boxes of medium shirts for mr harris...
really nice shirts...
IZOD...
Polo...
the good stuff...
i gathered the shirts in my arms...
walked to the door...
knocked...
when mr harris came to greet me...
he was so excited!
he grabbed the shirts...
started looking through them...
what a smile...
he could feel the love...
all the way from TN...
i could feel the love...
god wrapped his arms around mr harris and hugged him...
with a compassionate gift of clothing...
love in action...
now he won't have to wear the same t-shirt every time i come to visit...
a friend in our sunday night group...
gathered a couple of big bags of women's clothes...
i was off to ms richardson's apartment...
i walked up the stairs and knocked on the door...
ms r was babysitting one of her grandbabies...
then, she saw the bags...
what a smile...
she tore into the bags...
totally thrilled...
totally thankful...
totally loved...
the message came through so clearly...
THANK YOU for being such clear messengers of love...
mr harris has been deeply touched...
so has ms richardson...
jesus is pleased as well...
matthew 25 in action...
i am so proud of YOU ALL...
thanks for sharing the journey...
we can make such a difference -- TOGETHER!!!
shalom...
guy
by the way...
mr harris still needs 2-3 pairs of size 31 waist pants...
ms richardson still needs 8.5 size shoes...
let me know if god speaks to you...
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Lent day 35
greetings!
i was reading the words of THE VISION again tonight...
words that have appeared on the walls of 24/7 boiler rooms [prayer rooms] all across the globe...
it has become the battle cry of the world-wide prayer movement...
what a blessing to me...
what do you think???
"So this guy comes up to me and says 'what's the vision? What's the big idea?'
I open my mouth and words come out like this…
The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.
The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones?
I see an army.
And they are FREE from materialism.
They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn't even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.
They need no passport..
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.
What is the vision?
The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.
Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose that they might one day win the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.
Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night.
They don't need fame from names.
Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: 'COME ON!'
And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground
And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts 'for me to live is Christ and to die is gain'.
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners.
Martyrs.
Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can fear scare them or death kill them ?
And the generation prays like a dying man with groans beyond talking, with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting.
Watching:
24 – 7 – 365.
Whatever it takes they will give:
Breaking the rules.
Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide.
Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials.
The advertisers cannot mould them.
Hollywood cannot hold them.
Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.
They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive inside.
On the outside?
They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell.
A throne for an electric chair.
With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days, they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.
Their DNA chooses JESUS.
(He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings.
They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdo's!
Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.
And this vision will be.
It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.
How do I know?
Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God.
My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself.
And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.
Guaranteed."
from peter greig...
awesome!
have a great night...
guy
let's LIVE THE VISION!!!
i was reading the words of THE VISION again tonight...
words that have appeared on the walls of 24/7 boiler rooms [prayer rooms] all across the globe...
it has become the battle cry of the world-wide prayer movement...
what a blessing to me...
what do you think???
"So this guy comes up to me and says 'what's the vision? What's the big idea?'
I open my mouth and words come out like this…
The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.
The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones?
I see an army.
And they are FREE from materialism.
They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn't even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.
They need no passport..
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.
What is the vision?
The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.
Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose that they might one day win the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.
Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night.
They don't need fame from names.
Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: 'COME ON!'
And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground
And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts 'for me to live is Christ and to die is gain'.
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners.
Martyrs.
Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can fear scare them or death kill them ?
And the generation prays like a dying man with groans beyond talking, with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting.
Watching:
24 – 7 – 365.
Whatever it takes they will give:
Breaking the rules.
Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide.
Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials.
The advertisers cannot mould them.
Hollywood cannot hold them.
Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.
They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive inside.
On the outside?
They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell.
A throne for an electric chair.
With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days, they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.
Their DNA chooses JESUS.
(He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings.
They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdo's!
Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.
And this vision will be.
It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.
How do I know?
Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God.
My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself.
And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.
Guaranteed."
from peter greig...
awesome!
have a great night...
guy
let's LIVE THE VISION!!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Lent day 34
greetings!
i just spent almost an hour updating my shelfari bookshelf...
two thoughts...
what an idiot i must be for it to take this long...
but, i got it done...
yea god!!!
maybe there is hope for the techie deprived after all...
what do you think of the new shelf???
today, i made my first hospice visit to an inmate in the falkenburg road jail...
pretty interesting...
our patient, who is supposed to have six months or less to live...
got five years in the state pen last week...
he was from NY...
in typical northern vibratto, he talked about how "backward" the south is...
"so backwoods, country and redneck down here..."
i bit my tongue [until i had very little left -- ha! ha!]...
if the north is so superior, wonder why he moved here???
i only thought it, never said it...
he was from the nation of islam...
a follower of farrakan...
i listened and learned...
it was an interesting visit...
not as much connection as i had hoped for...
but i tried...
sometimes it happens...
sometimes it does not...
but, we did end in prayer...
and then, in shocking fashion...
mr b.s.s. asked if i would continue to pray for him...
i agreed...
maybe more happened than i thought???
god is so good...
his grace should never surprise me...
blessings!
guy
off to bed -- i am still recovering from a weekend of birthday celebration...
i just spent almost an hour updating my shelfari bookshelf...
two thoughts...
what an idiot i must be for it to take this long...
but, i got it done...
yea god!!!
maybe there is hope for the techie deprived after all...
what do you think of the new shelf???
today, i made my first hospice visit to an inmate in the falkenburg road jail...
pretty interesting...
our patient, who is supposed to have six months or less to live...
got five years in the state pen last week...
he was from NY...
in typical northern vibratto, he talked about how "backward" the south is...
"so backwoods, country and redneck down here..."
i bit my tongue [until i had very little left -- ha! ha!]...
if the north is so superior, wonder why he moved here???
i only thought it, never said it...
he was from the nation of islam...
a follower of farrakan...
i listened and learned...
it was an interesting visit...
not as much connection as i had hoped for...
but i tried...
sometimes it happens...
sometimes it does not...
but, we did end in prayer...
and then, in shocking fashion...
mr b.s.s. asked if i would continue to pray for him...
i agreed...
maybe more happened than i thought???
god is so good...
his grace should never surprise me...
blessings!
guy
off to bed -- i am still recovering from a weekend of birthday celebration...
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Lent day 33
greetings!
church was awesome...
the tampa underground rocks...
ricky -- you did an awesome job today...
so proud of you!!!
KAIROS [our micro church that provides LifePath Hospice volunteers for the poorest zip codes in our city] met after crucible [our morning worship service]...
it is so encouraging to see people with such a heart for compassionate ministry...
this is matthew 25 in action!!!
we have three active members...
we have several folks ready to do the required training...
PLEASE help us pray for 12 active members by the end of 2010...
maybe you are interested???
we will train you...
we will release you into ministry that really makes a difference...
we will mentor you...
we will support you throughout the whole process...
let me know if you are interested...
now, off to our "fireside chat" bible study...
matt left to go back to miami...
he took the two older boxers...
jeep is sad...
but very tired...
he is snoring on the couch...
court is staying in tampa this week on assignment...
james flies out in the a.m. [early]...
it has been THE BEST weekend...
what a great birthday...
more tomorrow...
guy
check out colossians 4.2-6 -- our theme verse for KAIROS...
our byline is "making the most of every moment..."
want to see more???
check out www.tampaunderground.com
church was awesome...
the tampa underground rocks...
ricky -- you did an awesome job today...
so proud of you!!!
KAIROS [our micro church that provides LifePath Hospice volunteers for the poorest zip codes in our city] met after crucible [our morning worship service]...
it is so encouraging to see people with such a heart for compassionate ministry...
this is matthew 25 in action!!!
we have three active members...
we have several folks ready to do the required training...
PLEASE help us pray for 12 active members by the end of 2010...
maybe you are interested???
we will train you...
we will release you into ministry that really makes a difference...
we will mentor you...
we will support you throughout the whole process...
let me know if you are interested...
now, off to our "fireside chat" bible study...
matt left to go back to miami...
he took the two older boxers...
jeep is sad...
but very tired...
he is snoring on the couch...
court is staying in tampa this week on assignment...
james flies out in the a.m. [early]...
it has been THE BEST weekend...
what a great birthday...
more tomorrow...
guy
check out colossians 4.2-6 -- our theme verse for KAIROS...
our byline is "making the most of every moment..."
want to see more???
check out www.tampaunderground.com
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Lent day 32
greetings!!!
my birthday celebration continues today...
breakfast with our nuclear family...
a late lunch involving my parents at leeroy selmon's...
watching the dogs play and fight...
now...
some thoughts from richard rohr...
"this deep gazing upon the mystery of divine and human suffering is found in the prophet Zechariah in a very telling text that became a prophecy for the transformative power of the victims of history, and for those who identify with them.
he calls Israel to 'look upon the pierced one and to mourn over him as for an only son,' and 'weep for him as for a firstborn child,' and then 'from that mourning' (five times repeated) will flow 'a spirit of kindness and prayer' (Zechariah 12:10) and 'a fountain of water' (Zechariah 13:1; 14:8).
i believe we are invited to gaze upon the image of the crucified to soften our hearts toward God, and to know that God’s heart has always been softened toward us, even and most especially in our suffering.
this softens us toward ourselves and all others who suffer...
today we experience it in grief.
grief, like few other things, allows us to open our hearts to the pain of others, and even to our own deep pain.
almost like nothing else...
grief is often God’s medicine for people who are otherwise closed down."
well, think jeep and i may take a afternoon nap before dinner...
everyone else is out and about for awhile...
jeep is babysitting his old man -- ha! ha!
shalom...
guy
ready for the fifth sunday of lent???
let's prepare our hearts...
my birthday celebration continues today...
breakfast with our nuclear family...
a late lunch involving my parents at leeroy selmon's...
watching the dogs play and fight...
now...
some thoughts from richard rohr...
"this deep gazing upon the mystery of divine and human suffering is found in the prophet Zechariah in a very telling text that became a prophecy for the transformative power of the victims of history, and for those who identify with them.
he calls Israel to 'look upon the pierced one and to mourn over him as for an only son,' and 'weep for him as for a firstborn child,' and then 'from that mourning' (five times repeated) will flow 'a spirit of kindness and prayer' (Zechariah 12:10) and 'a fountain of water' (Zechariah 13:1; 14:8).
i believe we are invited to gaze upon the image of the crucified to soften our hearts toward God, and to know that God’s heart has always been softened toward us, even and most especially in our suffering.
this softens us toward ourselves and all others who suffer...
today we experience it in grief.
grief, like few other things, allows us to open our hearts to the pain of others, and even to our own deep pain.
almost like nothing else...
grief is often God’s medicine for people who are otherwise closed down."
well, think jeep and i may take a afternoon nap before dinner...
everyone else is out and about for awhile...
jeep is babysitting his old man -- ha! ha!
shalom...
guy
ready for the fifth sunday of lent???
let's prepare our hearts...
Friday, March 19, 2010
Lent day 31
51...
a happy birthday for me...
great day at work...
ended my day with mr williams...
nancy fixed him some beef stew...
it tasted sooooooooooooooooo good...
i bought him some biscuits from church's chicken...
he was so happy...
but he is not breathing well at all...
i am worried...
not sure what i will do when he dies???
off at 5 today -- what a miracle...
supper with the whole crew in ybor...
rockin' sports was awesome...
good food...
way too much...
was even better to have everyone at the table together again...
back home to 33603...
a glass of red wine...
a crackling fire in the old fireplace...
a wife of almost 30 years...
three boys [and a great daughter-in-law]...
three beautiful boxers...
jeep and his two "cousins"...
enduring basketball [for the kids]...
zac brown band and jimmy buffet...
together on cross roads...
so cool!!!
just chillin' as a family...
now that is really spiritual!!!
and a priceless birthday...
THANK YOU for all your prayers and blessings for my day...
have a great evening...
guy
wish i had some strawberry shortcake tonight...
a happy birthday for me...
great day at work...
ended my day with mr williams...
nancy fixed him some beef stew...
it tasted sooooooooooooooooo good...
i bought him some biscuits from church's chicken...
he was so happy...
but he is not breathing well at all...
i am worried...
not sure what i will do when he dies???
off at 5 today -- what a miracle...
supper with the whole crew in ybor...
rockin' sports was awesome...
good food...
way too much...
was even better to have everyone at the table together again...
back home to 33603...
a glass of red wine...
a crackling fire in the old fireplace...
a wife of almost 30 years...
three boys [and a great daughter-in-law]...
three beautiful boxers...
jeep and his two "cousins"...
enduring basketball [for the kids]...
zac brown band and jimmy buffet...
together on cross roads...
so cool!!!
just chillin' as a family...
now that is really spiritual!!!
and a priceless birthday...
THANK YOU for all your prayers and blessings for my day...
have a great evening...
guy
wish i had some strawberry shortcake tonight...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Lent day 30
greetings!
i will be 51 in a few minutes...
life is good...
i am happier than i have ever been...
i am finally starting to age more gracefully...
guess there is hope for anyone -- even YOU [ha! ha!]...
50 was the best year yet...
i am hoping 51 is more of the same...
i want to do some more reflecting on last night...
especially as it relates to pastoring...
which i have spent over half my life doing in some form or another...
i think i am still a pastor...
my flock is just "different" as a hospice chaplain...
80+ families spread throughout the city...
guess my "sheep" are pretty scattered...
i am finally getting to pastor some of the folks i always tried to reach in the church...
the church "drop-outs"...
the ones who never showed up to begin with...
those who gave up on the institution...
those who abandoned religion...
they really didn't have an interest in coming to my church...
now, i go to them...
in their homes...
they are plugging back in...
to spirituality...
to faith...
to god...
simply and honestly...
reflecting on some of the stuff that oozed out of my gut last night...
an old friend questioned whether i really ever had "important person" syndrome as a pastor???
i was actually wondering about that very thing after i wrote what i wrote last night...
in one sense -- NO WAY!!!
everyone was always important to me...
as my phone message used to say [stolen strategically from bill hybels]...
"you matter to god and you matter to me as well!!!"
this was and is true...
usually the people who felt they were the least important mattered the most to me...
i have always had a bias for the lost, the least and the last...
i sometimes struggled to "please" those who thought they were really important...
the rebel in me wanted to bring them down to size...
let the hot air out of their inflated ego...
oh well...
my least favorite trait in human beings is arrogance...
but that's another story...
people always mattered to me -- still do...
so why am i happier and more fulfilled now than when i was a senior pastor???
i have been ruminating on this all day...
three thoughts...
1. leadership expectations...
when i became a senior pastor and the churches started getting bigger...
i caved to "common wisdom of the day" expectations...
stuff i was told at the church growth conferences...
[not all bad -- not being critical here -- i am grateful for my opportunities -- for instance, i am still a fan of willow in many ways...]
things like...
do the things that only you can and should do...
we pay you to do the point leadership stuff...
act important -- you are our senior pastor...
delegate the small stuff [i thought this was the FUN stuff]...
dress the part...
act the part...
why won't you park in your parking place???
here is my best thought...
over the years, i got really weary of this stuff...
this skubala...
leadership expectations like these made me UNCOMFORTABLE in my skin...
the wrong armor...
it just never fit...
i could not figure out how to get off the leadership merry-go-round for too long...
i wanted to be a different kind of leader...
visiting in homes...
holding people's hands in the hospital...
getting an ear ring and tatoo [never did -- yet...]
hanging out in coffee shops -- and bars...
engaging the campuses [even though students are poor and don't pay the bills]...
being ecumenical...
breaking racial barriers...
dipping up food in the line at the shelter...
valuing the poor...
being missional here -- not just globally...
sometimes i succeeded...
sometimes i didn't...
but being a pastoral riptide...
going against the prevailing flow...
wore me down...
wore me out...
stole my joy...
and almost got my soul...
but, my soul is healthy again now...
2. leadership is for teams not point people
i "felt" this one while i was a senior pastor...
we went to a teaching team approach even though it was the senior pastor's job to preach almost every week...
skubala...
we were always "fed" better by the variety of gifts in our teaching teams...
i am so glad to see this biblical reality "coming of age" in the emerging church...
after all, god gave people gifts to his body...
apostles...
prophets...
evangelists...
pastors...
teachers...
APEPT leadership...
each unique gift is critically important to the leadership whole...
at moments, yes, i was a visionary [apostolic]...
i had my prophetic outbursts...
i love hanging with seekers...
i can teach a little bit...
but, all of these "drain" me just a little...
i am a pastor...
wish i could have been a PASTOR on a biblical APEPT team...
i am juiced now...
because i am a hospice pastor...
a care-giver...
a spiritual care giver...
a chaplain...
i wanted a team...
i needed a team...
maybe i was just a little before my time???
3. is bigger really better?
i always wanted a mega-church...
not sure why...
maybe it was buying into the system...
you will know you are successful in serving the lord when over a 1000 people are coming to your church...
really???
when i arrived...
preaching to about a thousand in three weekend services...
it grew so impersonal...
who are these folks???
i want to know them...
maybe this whole paradigm needs to be turned upside-down [not just "shifted"]...
maybe real ekklesia moves from small to large [personal]...
not large to small [cells as an afterthought]...
maybe what happens in micro churches and simple churches is THE real deal...
after all, it was that way in the primitive church in the NT...
i can still remember the day i told nancy i was done with the mega-church deal...
[please do not hear critical here -- i am speaking for me...]
told her i would rather move back to tampa and be a greeter at wally world...
than keep trying to fit in a mold that was wrong for me...
god blessed me with this hospice job...
my life is now invested in personal ministry...
in personal mentoring...
in doing the fun stuff [that only "grunts" were supposed to do]...
what a joy!!!
no, i am not a BIG shot...
maybe i never was...
maybe i was just doing the best i could with what i had at the time...
maybe i was just growing...
growing in understanding WHO i was...
growing in becoming WHO god created me to be...
growing up...
maybe it is a perspective you just don't get until you are as old as dirt...
like 51...
blessings!!!
guy
jeep is snoring here on the couch...
soon matt and court will be here -- around midnight -- along with mac and ty [our other two boxers] -- jeep will be so thrilled [and so will the rest of us]...
i will be 51 in a few minutes...
life is good...
i am happier than i have ever been...
i am finally starting to age more gracefully...
guess there is hope for anyone -- even YOU [ha! ha!]...
50 was the best year yet...
i am hoping 51 is more of the same...
i want to do some more reflecting on last night...
especially as it relates to pastoring...
which i have spent over half my life doing in some form or another...
i think i am still a pastor...
my flock is just "different" as a hospice chaplain...
80+ families spread throughout the city...
guess my "sheep" are pretty scattered...
i am finally getting to pastor some of the folks i always tried to reach in the church...
the church "drop-outs"...
the ones who never showed up to begin with...
those who gave up on the institution...
those who abandoned religion...
they really didn't have an interest in coming to my church...
now, i go to them...
in their homes...
they are plugging back in...
to spirituality...
to faith...
to god...
simply and honestly...
reflecting on some of the stuff that oozed out of my gut last night...
an old friend questioned whether i really ever had "important person" syndrome as a pastor???
i was actually wondering about that very thing after i wrote what i wrote last night...
in one sense -- NO WAY!!!
everyone was always important to me...
as my phone message used to say [stolen strategically from bill hybels]...
"you matter to god and you matter to me as well!!!"
this was and is true...
usually the people who felt they were the least important mattered the most to me...
i have always had a bias for the lost, the least and the last...
i sometimes struggled to "please" those who thought they were really important...
the rebel in me wanted to bring them down to size...
let the hot air out of their inflated ego...
oh well...
my least favorite trait in human beings is arrogance...
but that's another story...
people always mattered to me -- still do...
so why am i happier and more fulfilled now than when i was a senior pastor???
i have been ruminating on this all day...
three thoughts...
1. leadership expectations...
when i became a senior pastor and the churches started getting bigger...
i caved to "common wisdom of the day" expectations...
stuff i was told at the church growth conferences...
[not all bad -- not being critical here -- i am grateful for my opportunities -- for instance, i am still a fan of willow in many ways...]
things like...
do the things that only you can and should do...
we pay you to do the point leadership stuff...
act important -- you are our senior pastor...
delegate the small stuff [i thought this was the FUN stuff]...
dress the part...
act the part...
why won't you park in your parking place???
here is my best thought...
over the years, i got really weary of this stuff...
this skubala...
leadership expectations like these made me UNCOMFORTABLE in my skin...
the wrong armor...
it just never fit...
i could not figure out how to get off the leadership merry-go-round for too long...
i wanted to be a different kind of leader...
visiting in homes...
holding people's hands in the hospital...
getting an ear ring and tatoo [never did -- yet...]
hanging out in coffee shops -- and bars...
engaging the campuses [even though students are poor and don't pay the bills]...
being ecumenical...
breaking racial barriers...
dipping up food in the line at the shelter...
valuing the poor...
being missional here -- not just globally...
sometimes i succeeded...
sometimes i didn't...
but being a pastoral riptide...
going against the prevailing flow...
wore me down...
wore me out...
stole my joy...
and almost got my soul...
but, my soul is healthy again now...
2. leadership is for teams not point people
i "felt" this one while i was a senior pastor...
we went to a teaching team approach even though it was the senior pastor's job to preach almost every week...
skubala...
we were always "fed" better by the variety of gifts in our teaching teams...
i am so glad to see this biblical reality "coming of age" in the emerging church...
after all, god gave people gifts to his body...
apostles...
prophets...
evangelists...
pastors...
teachers...
APEPT leadership...
each unique gift is critically important to the leadership whole...
at moments, yes, i was a visionary [apostolic]...
i had my prophetic outbursts...
i love hanging with seekers...
i can teach a little bit...
but, all of these "drain" me just a little...
i am a pastor...
wish i could have been a PASTOR on a biblical APEPT team...
i am juiced now...
because i am a hospice pastor...
a care-giver...
a spiritual care giver...
a chaplain...
i wanted a team...
i needed a team...
maybe i was just a little before my time???
3. is bigger really better?
i always wanted a mega-church...
not sure why...
maybe it was buying into the system...
you will know you are successful in serving the lord when over a 1000 people are coming to your church...
really???
when i arrived...
preaching to about a thousand in three weekend services...
it grew so impersonal...
who are these folks???
i want to know them...
maybe this whole paradigm needs to be turned upside-down [not just "shifted"]...
maybe real ekklesia moves from small to large [personal]...
not large to small [cells as an afterthought]...
maybe what happens in micro churches and simple churches is THE real deal...
after all, it was that way in the primitive church in the NT...
i can still remember the day i told nancy i was done with the mega-church deal...
[please do not hear critical here -- i am speaking for me...]
told her i would rather move back to tampa and be a greeter at wally world...
than keep trying to fit in a mold that was wrong for me...
god blessed me with this hospice job...
my life is now invested in personal ministry...
in personal mentoring...
in doing the fun stuff [that only "grunts" were supposed to do]...
what a joy!!!
no, i am not a BIG shot...
maybe i never was...
maybe i was just doing the best i could with what i had at the time...
maybe i was just growing...
growing in understanding WHO i was...
growing in becoming WHO god created me to be...
growing up...
maybe it is a perspective you just don't get until you are as old as dirt...
like 51...
blessings!!!
guy
jeep is snoring here on the couch...
soon matt and court will be here -- around midnight -- along with mac and ty [our other two boxers] -- jeep will be so thrilled [and so will the rest of us]...
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Lent day 29
greetings...
i went to see mr price at the end of the day today...
he was sitting by himself in the family room of the trailer in 33619...
there were people all around him...
his daughter...
his grandkids...
his family...
but he was in his own little world...
disengaged...
he seemed glad to see me...
we left the "family room" and went back to his bedroom...
we settled in...
started to talk...
but, he just didn't seem "right"...
i wondered what was up...
so i asked...
"what's wrong?"
"i am so lonely...
i wish i would have never moved down here to FL...
i am so alone that it hurts..."
we talked a little about family dynamics...
then he said...
"i would rather sit in here -- in my own room -- by myself...
than be ignored by everyone out there...
the kids don't talk to me...
my daughter has changed -- she is so distant...
she cashes my check...
but doesn't give me my allowance anymore..."
"i am so lonely...
it hurts...
wish i had never moved south..."
then i realized who was missing...
his little dog...
[a real nuisance and menace...]
"where is your dog"
he teared up...
"while i was on a five-day respite at the nursing home...
so my daughter could get some rest...
they gave my dog away...
he is gone...
they said he won't be coming back...
i miss him so much...
he was always right here with me..."
"i am so lonely...
it just hurts..."
mr price is not alone in his loneliness...
i am convinced it is one of the biggest "curses" of growing old...
being overwhelmed by loneliness...
feeling left out...
like the third verse of an old gospel hymn...
[remember, we always sang verses 1, 2 and 4...]
like a fifth wheel...
being the odd person out...
alone...
and hurting...
hurting so badly...
that one just wants to die...
are there answers???
let me reflect on a few from my experience...
1. a pet...
i cannot tell you how angry i got when i found out that his family had given his dog away...
it almost made me want to believe in hell again...
2. solitude...
the spiritual practice of sitting and listening...
you probably think i am crazy on this one...
but, i am not...
those who are skilled at solitude truly experience god's presence...
a perpetual presence...
am abiding presence...
a faithful presence...
we are never alone when we are connecting with god...
3. redefining "success"...
i used to be so important that i only had time for big stuff...
i was a good leader...
as i was taught, i did the big stuff that ONLY I could [or should] do...
no time for holding hands [even when people were dying]...
no interest in listening to the marginalized [like mr price] babble about his loneliness...
there was no place in my carefully massaged schedule for "down time" or "non-productive time" [with the little people of the world]...
i was important...
and busy...
bullcrap...
i was wrong...
really wrong...
jesus shows up in some of the simplest things with some of the most insignificant people...
a new way of looking at success...
4. the paradox of time...
we americans have more time-saving gadgets than almost anyone in the world...
but we have less time...
never time just to hang out...
or talk with old people...
or let mr price tell the same stories about driving semi trucks for years...
or have a too-long dinner with a friend...
or drink java on the front porch...
two-thirds world folks have more time for this kind of stuff...
but we know that they are not really productive [?]...
maybe they are just smarter than we are...
my patients only have six months to live...
very limited time...
not much at all...
you and i...
we have time...
much more time...
or do we?
my patients actually have MORE time for what really counts than we do...
wasting moments with friends...
doing a whole lot of nothing with family...
playing with a dog...
reflecting on death...
forgiving the harsh people in their lives...
remembering...
listening to god...
so, who really has time...
it is a paradox...
5. angels...
some angels are people...
like LPH volunteers...
like the folks from the KAIROS micro church...
busy people...
who are NOT too busy to visit with dying people who have time on their hands...
like jimmy...
like ileana...
like ricky...
jesus celebrates YOUR investment in the secret places...
he sees your heart...
he knows the difference you make...
and so do i!!!
i am not alone as i write tonight -- jeep is snoring on the bed next to me...
what a great friend...
plus, i can feel you -- out there in the blogosphere -- we are together...
thanks for your partnership...
guy
by the way, THANK YOU..
from my plea last night for help...
medium shirts are coming in from TN...
women's clothes from another one of my micro church families...
an offer of help from NC...
WOW!!!
i am touched...
THANK YOU!!!
i went to see mr price at the end of the day today...
he was sitting by himself in the family room of the trailer in 33619...
there were people all around him...
his daughter...
his grandkids...
his family...
but he was in his own little world...
disengaged...
he seemed glad to see me...
we left the "family room" and went back to his bedroom...
we settled in...
started to talk...
but, he just didn't seem "right"...
i wondered what was up...
so i asked...
"what's wrong?"
"i am so lonely...
i wish i would have never moved down here to FL...
i am so alone that it hurts..."
we talked a little about family dynamics...
then he said...
"i would rather sit in here -- in my own room -- by myself...
than be ignored by everyone out there...
the kids don't talk to me...
my daughter has changed -- she is so distant...
she cashes my check...
but doesn't give me my allowance anymore..."
"i am so lonely...
it hurts...
wish i had never moved south..."
then i realized who was missing...
his little dog...
[a real nuisance and menace...]
"where is your dog"
he teared up...
"while i was on a five-day respite at the nursing home...
so my daughter could get some rest...
they gave my dog away...
he is gone...
they said he won't be coming back...
i miss him so much...
he was always right here with me..."
"i am so lonely...
it just hurts..."
mr price is not alone in his loneliness...
i am convinced it is one of the biggest "curses" of growing old...
being overwhelmed by loneliness...
feeling left out...
like the third verse of an old gospel hymn...
[remember, we always sang verses 1, 2 and 4...]
like a fifth wheel...
being the odd person out...
alone...
and hurting...
hurting so badly...
that one just wants to die...
are there answers???
let me reflect on a few from my experience...
1. a pet...
i cannot tell you how angry i got when i found out that his family had given his dog away...
it almost made me want to believe in hell again...
2. solitude...
the spiritual practice of sitting and listening...
you probably think i am crazy on this one...
but, i am not...
those who are skilled at solitude truly experience god's presence...
a perpetual presence...
am abiding presence...
a faithful presence...
we are never alone when we are connecting with god...
3. redefining "success"...
i used to be so important that i only had time for big stuff...
i was a good leader...
as i was taught, i did the big stuff that ONLY I could [or should] do...
no time for holding hands [even when people were dying]...
no interest in listening to the marginalized [like mr price] babble about his loneliness...
there was no place in my carefully massaged schedule for "down time" or "non-productive time" [with the little people of the world]...
i was important...
and busy...
bullcrap...
i was wrong...
really wrong...
jesus shows up in some of the simplest things with some of the most insignificant people...
a new way of looking at success...
4. the paradox of time...
we americans have more time-saving gadgets than almost anyone in the world...
but we have less time...
never time just to hang out...
or talk with old people...
or let mr price tell the same stories about driving semi trucks for years...
or have a too-long dinner with a friend...
or drink java on the front porch...
two-thirds world folks have more time for this kind of stuff...
but we know that they are not really productive [?]...
maybe they are just smarter than we are...
my patients only have six months to live...
very limited time...
not much at all...
you and i...
we have time...
much more time...
or do we?
my patients actually have MORE time for what really counts than we do...
wasting moments with friends...
doing a whole lot of nothing with family...
playing with a dog...
reflecting on death...
forgiving the harsh people in their lives...
remembering...
listening to god...
so, who really has time...
it is a paradox...
5. angels...
some angels are people...
like LPH volunteers...
like the folks from the KAIROS micro church...
busy people...
who are NOT too busy to visit with dying people who have time on their hands...
like jimmy...
like ileana...
like ricky...
jesus celebrates YOUR investment in the secret places...
he sees your heart...
he knows the difference you make...
and so do i!!!
i am not alone as i write tonight -- jeep is snoring on the bed next to me...
what a great friend...
plus, i can feel you -- out there in the blogosphere -- we are together...
thanks for your partnership...
guy
by the way, THANK YOU..
from my plea last night for help...
medium shirts are coming in from TN...
women's clothes from another one of my micro church families...
an offer of help from NC...
WOW!!!
i am touched...
THANK YOU!!!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Lent day 28 -- can you help?
greetings!
i am amazed at the needs of the people i visit in the inner city...
real needs...
desperate needs...
basic physical needs...
very basic...
food...
clothing...
shelter...
these people are terminally ill -- they are dying...
and they have so little...
many times, not even the basics...
they are dying in dire physical need...
sometimes it is overwhelming...
so this year, in our planned giving, we budgeted $50 per week for immediate compassion...
see a need -- meet a need...
seizing every possible moment for blessing in jesus' name...
today was an overwhelming day of need after need after need...
i burned my whole $50 allowance for the week -- TODAY...
not sure what i will do for mr williams on friday...
well, i do know -- i can use my lunch money for the rest of the week...
it started with mr harris...
a 43 year old dying of cirrhosis of the liver...
yes, he "earned" his illness...
but he has been clean and sober for almost six months now...
yea god!!!
but his liver is done...
he moved out of his house and his landlord won't let him have his clothes...
james [my son] is going to try to find him some jeans and shirts tomorrow...
i asked james to see what he could get for $20...
maybe at goodwill...
he wears a size 31 pants...
he wears a medium shirt...
do you happen to have any clothes this size you would like to give away???
no pressure -- just an opportunity...
then to ms richardson's...
she has no food in the house...
she asked for some water and yogurt to get through the week...
i had $30 tucked away in my wallet...
so, i gave it to her to buy some food for her and her daughter and grandbaby...
she also needs clothes...
does anyone have any...
large blouses???
size 8 dresses???
size 14 pants???
size 8.5 shoes???
no pressure -- just an opportunity...
mr berry was OK [except for the fact that he is dying of cancer]...
and he had just received a reduction in his food stamps...
but his family had made up the difference...
he had food to eat...
he was so grateful to them -- and to god...
he had an appointment with the food stamp folks to ask why he had been cut to $49 per month for food???
ms pantzis was OK...
just lonely...
really lonely...
and bored...
nothing to do and all alone...
and scared...
scared to die...
she was wondering what it would be like to be confined in the box???
at leaast she had food...
how???
her husband is still working as a paint and body tech at 83 years old...
yes, i did say 83!!!
her house almost made me yak...
she is confined to a chair...
she has 3 dogs in the house...
they had used the bathroom all over the floor...
my shoes literally stuck to the floor as i walked in...
the smell was almost too much...
i almost lost breakfast...
then to mr mcclaskey's...
he was so short of breath...
he could hardly breathe...
he was waiting on a visit from a LPH resource associate who was going to help him to apply for foodstamps...
i asked him if he had been eating...
no not really...
not eating well...
not eating very often...
we are out of food...
i am about out of money [since i can only be trusted with so much cash at the time --ha! ha!]...
i give him a $5 bill and five $1 dollar bills...
his whole face lit up...
he promised to pay me back...
i told him it was a gift from jesus -- no need to pay me back...
god would return it to me -- somehow...
he said he could feed the whole trailer cheeseburgers tonight...
it was so little, but he was so thrilled...
the room in his trailer in claire mel city was so dirty, i almost lost my lunch...
no wonder he can't breathe...
i closed my day at ms harris place...
my emotions were done...
i don't think i had much left to give...
i didn't feel all that great about what i gave to this family at the end of the day...
i felt empty...
she could not talk...
cancer of the larynx...
her voicebox had been removed...
i really don't know how much she was in need...
i was out of it by now...
my tank was on E...
please pray for me tonight...
i need a filling up...
and i need to win the lottery...
more to give away...
ha! ha!
thanks for listening...
please help with the clothing if you can...
BUT NO EXPECTATIONS...
the fork is in me -- i am done...
good night...
guy
there will be more grace available for tomorrow...
i am sure of it...
god's buffet of grace never runs out...
it is fresh every morning!!!
i am amazed at the needs of the people i visit in the inner city...
real needs...
desperate needs...
basic physical needs...
very basic...
food...
clothing...
shelter...
these people are terminally ill -- they are dying...
and they have so little...
many times, not even the basics...
they are dying in dire physical need...
sometimes it is overwhelming...
so this year, in our planned giving, we budgeted $50 per week for immediate compassion...
see a need -- meet a need...
seizing every possible moment for blessing in jesus' name...
today was an overwhelming day of need after need after need...
i burned my whole $50 allowance for the week -- TODAY...
not sure what i will do for mr williams on friday...
well, i do know -- i can use my lunch money for the rest of the week...
it started with mr harris...
a 43 year old dying of cirrhosis of the liver...
yes, he "earned" his illness...
but he has been clean and sober for almost six months now...
yea god!!!
but his liver is done...
he moved out of his house and his landlord won't let him have his clothes...
james [my son] is going to try to find him some jeans and shirts tomorrow...
i asked james to see what he could get for $20...
maybe at goodwill...
he wears a size 31 pants...
he wears a medium shirt...
do you happen to have any clothes this size you would like to give away???
no pressure -- just an opportunity...
then to ms richardson's...
she has no food in the house...
she asked for some water and yogurt to get through the week...
i had $30 tucked away in my wallet...
so, i gave it to her to buy some food for her and her daughter and grandbaby...
she also needs clothes...
does anyone have any...
large blouses???
size 8 dresses???
size 14 pants???
size 8.5 shoes???
no pressure -- just an opportunity...
mr berry was OK [except for the fact that he is dying of cancer]...
and he had just received a reduction in his food stamps...
but his family had made up the difference...
he had food to eat...
he was so grateful to them -- and to god...
he had an appointment with the food stamp folks to ask why he had been cut to $49 per month for food???
ms pantzis was OK...
just lonely...
really lonely...
and bored...
nothing to do and all alone...
and scared...
scared to die...
she was wondering what it would be like to be confined in the box???
at leaast she had food...
how???
her husband is still working as a paint and body tech at 83 years old...
yes, i did say 83!!!
her house almost made me yak...
she is confined to a chair...
she has 3 dogs in the house...
they had used the bathroom all over the floor...
my shoes literally stuck to the floor as i walked in...
the smell was almost too much...
i almost lost breakfast...
then to mr mcclaskey's...
he was so short of breath...
he could hardly breathe...
he was waiting on a visit from a LPH resource associate who was going to help him to apply for foodstamps...
i asked him if he had been eating...
no not really...
not eating well...
not eating very often...
we are out of food...
i am about out of money [since i can only be trusted with so much cash at the time --ha! ha!]...
i give him a $5 bill and five $1 dollar bills...
his whole face lit up...
he promised to pay me back...
i told him it was a gift from jesus -- no need to pay me back...
god would return it to me -- somehow...
he said he could feed the whole trailer cheeseburgers tonight...
it was so little, but he was so thrilled...
the room in his trailer in claire mel city was so dirty, i almost lost my lunch...
no wonder he can't breathe...
i closed my day at ms harris place...
my emotions were done...
i don't think i had much left to give...
i didn't feel all that great about what i gave to this family at the end of the day...
i felt empty...
she could not talk...
cancer of the larynx...
her voicebox had been removed...
i really don't know how much she was in need...
i was out of it by now...
my tank was on E...
please pray for me tonight...
i need a filling up...
and i need to win the lottery...
more to give away...
ha! ha!
thanks for listening...
please help with the clothing if you can...
BUT NO EXPECTATIONS...
the fork is in me -- i am done...
good night...
guy
there will be more grace available for tomorrow...
i am sure of it...
god's buffet of grace never runs out...
it is fresh every morning!!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Lent day 27
greetings...
want to know what happens when you don't go to the dentist for over 15+ years???
no, you don't...
i did go today...
had not been since cartersville days...
had to go...
a BAD toothache...
i was there for 3 hours...
and, that is only the first installment...
my mouth still hurts...
it is not easy to have spiritual thoughts when your mouth hurts this bad...
think i am going to bathe my mouth and gums in oragel...
and hit the sack...
my prayer tonight is simply and honestly...
HELP LORD!!!
blessings!
guy
thanks for your grace tonight -- and for your prayers...
want to know what happens when you don't go to the dentist for over 15+ years???
no, you don't...
i did go today...
had not been since cartersville days...
had to go...
a BAD toothache...
i was there for 3 hours...
and, that is only the first installment...
my mouth still hurts...
it is not easy to have spiritual thoughts when your mouth hurts this bad...
think i am going to bathe my mouth and gums in oragel...
and hit the sack...
my prayer tonight is simply and honestly...
HELP LORD!!!
blessings!
guy
thanks for your grace tonight -- and for your prayers...
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Lent day 26
greetings...
back home in tampa...
wonderful weekend...
but i am dead tired...
it was great to see the fam...
james is home from lee u...
i am so proud of him [and his brothers and court as well]...
great to see nancy...
and jeep -- we wore ourselves out playing and walking...
he also went to home church tonight for a meet and greet...
a thought before i close out the night...
what is the greatest enemy of faith?
many would say doubt...
i used to think so...
not any more...
doubt is a problem for sure...
but it is too cerebral -- a mind thing...
we try and educate our way into greater faith...
it hasn't worked...
i am convinced the greatest enemy of faith is FEAR...
that is gutteral...
that is deep...
it is a faith destroyer...
but, perfect love is supposed to drive out all fear...
how?
maybe the antidote for fear is the PRESENCE of God...
perfect love -- maturing love -- growing love...
is about realizing and celebrating the presence of the lord...
god never leaves...
god never forsakes...
god never abandons...
god knows us completely...
and still loves us totally...
awareness and internalization of that brings the experience of intimacy...
love of another kind...
god's faithful and forceful presence...
living in this secure reality...
we feel and experience our way out of fear through relationship...
a gut thing [not a mind thing]...
living in his presence...
brings courage...
and trust...
and faith...
have a blessed week...
guy
back home in tampa...
wonderful weekend...
but i am dead tired...
it was great to see the fam...
james is home from lee u...
i am so proud of him [and his brothers and court as well]...
great to see nancy...
and jeep -- we wore ourselves out playing and walking...
he also went to home church tonight for a meet and greet...
a thought before i close out the night...
what is the greatest enemy of faith?
many would say doubt...
i used to think so...
not any more...
doubt is a problem for sure...
but it is too cerebral -- a mind thing...
we try and educate our way into greater faith...
it hasn't worked...
i am convinced the greatest enemy of faith is FEAR...
that is gutteral...
that is deep...
it is a faith destroyer...
but, perfect love is supposed to drive out all fear...
how?
maybe the antidote for fear is the PRESENCE of God...
perfect love -- maturing love -- growing love...
is about realizing and celebrating the presence of the lord...
god never leaves...
god never forsakes...
god never abandons...
god knows us completely...
and still loves us totally...
awareness and internalization of that brings the experience of intimacy...
love of another kind...
god's faithful and forceful presence...
living in this secure reality...
we feel and experience our way out of fear through relationship...
a gut thing [not a mind thing]...
living in his presence...
brings courage...
and trust...
and faith...
have a blessed week...
guy
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Lent day 25
good evening...
most of us have an idea what the Church is...
with a big C...
but what about the church...
with a little c...
the local and visible expression of the global and invisible reality...
what makes a church a church???
authentically???
i spent last night and all day today with my friends at trinity EPC in ft pierce trying to answer that question...
not for the whole world...
just for them...
as a spiritual family...
what does it take for them to be a true church...
a "successful" church...
we tried to approach this question from the "gut"...
not just the brain...
we prayed...
and prayed...
really prayed...
we craved a word from the Lord...
we needed to hear from god...
we did!!!
here's what we heard together as we listened...
as brian would say, the ecclesial minimum is clear...
for trinity to be a church, three realities must be present...
WORSHIP...
lifting up jesus...
in many and varied ways...
the sacraments...
the word...
music...
lifestyle...
our whole being worshiping jesus!
it may be a boombox, not a praise band...
at least for now...
but with hearts overflowing with praise and worship...
COMMUNITY...
the core group of about 12 at trinity...
really loves each other...
in the words of acts, they "strengthen and encourage" one another...
they have a passion for doing life together...
and what is even better...
they have identified this sense of "belonging" as one of their gifts as a body...
AND they want to give this gift away to others who are lonely and rejected...
to those feeling they do not belong...
the spiritually homeless...
MISSION [service]...
trinity got honest...
"this is where we are missing it!"
true confession is the key to change...
and moving forward with god...
WE WILL MISS MISSION NO MORE!!!
they purposed to each one be more missional as christ followers...
in their personal lives...
AND...
to open their hearts to pursue a god-given mission TOGETHER...
since i was the youngest person in the room, they decided to focus on the elderly...
it is who we are...
so let's make it a blessing...
focus on widows and widowers...
especially those in nursing homes...
the lonely...
the abandoned...
the forsaken...
"what if we did sunday worship at a local nursing home and included the patients???"
we could hold their hand...
we could visit with them...
we could invite their families to all worship with us...
we could pass on our gift of love, belonging and community to them...
we could serve them in jesus' name...
success would be measured by faithfulness, not just numbers...
faithfulness to...
worship jesus...
share community...
pursue mission...
doing so with the right heart will bring fruit...
spiritual growth...
and numerical growth...
if the people can't come to us, let's go to them...
i feel good...
time well invested...
thank you god...
i am so proud of my friends at trinity!
well, time to get a sermon together for the a.m.
and, i am already losing an hour tonight...
enjoy the 4th sunday of lent tomorrow...
blessings!
guy
the sunset was so beautiful here tonight down the atlantic inlet looking west...
most of us have an idea what the Church is...
with a big C...
but what about the church...
with a little c...
the local and visible expression of the global and invisible reality...
what makes a church a church???
authentically???
i spent last night and all day today with my friends at trinity EPC in ft pierce trying to answer that question...
not for the whole world...
just for them...
as a spiritual family...
what does it take for them to be a true church...
a "successful" church...
we tried to approach this question from the "gut"...
not just the brain...
we prayed...
and prayed...
really prayed...
we craved a word from the Lord...
we needed to hear from god...
we did!!!
here's what we heard together as we listened...
as brian would say, the ecclesial minimum is clear...
for trinity to be a church, three realities must be present...
WORSHIP...
lifting up jesus...
in many and varied ways...
the sacraments...
the word...
music...
lifestyle...
our whole being worshiping jesus!
it may be a boombox, not a praise band...
at least for now...
but with hearts overflowing with praise and worship...
COMMUNITY...
the core group of about 12 at trinity...
really loves each other...
in the words of acts, they "strengthen and encourage" one another...
they have a passion for doing life together...
and what is even better...
they have identified this sense of "belonging" as one of their gifts as a body...
AND they want to give this gift away to others who are lonely and rejected...
to those feeling they do not belong...
the spiritually homeless...
MISSION [service]...
trinity got honest...
"this is where we are missing it!"
true confession is the key to change...
and moving forward with god...
WE WILL MISS MISSION NO MORE!!!
they purposed to each one be more missional as christ followers...
in their personal lives...
AND...
to open their hearts to pursue a god-given mission TOGETHER...
since i was the youngest person in the room, they decided to focus on the elderly...
it is who we are...
so let's make it a blessing...
focus on widows and widowers...
especially those in nursing homes...
the lonely...
the abandoned...
the forsaken...
"what if we did sunday worship at a local nursing home and included the patients???"
we could hold their hand...
we could visit with them...
we could invite their families to all worship with us...
we could pass on our gift of love, belonging and community to them...
we could serve them in jesus' name...
success would be measured by faithfulness, not just numbers...
faithfulness to...
worship jesus...
share community...
pursue mission...
doing so with the right heart will bring fruit...
spiritual growth...
and numerical growth...
if the people can't come to us, let's go to them...
i feel good...
time well invested...
thank you god...
i am so proud of my friends at trinity!
well, time to get a sermon together for the a.m.
and, i am already losing an hour tonight...
enjoy the 4th sunday of lent tomorrow...
blessings!
guy
the sunset was so beautiful here tonight down the atlantic inlet looking west...
Friday, March 12, 2010
Lent day 24
greetings!
i love road trips...
like the one this afternoon from tampa to ft pierce...
why?
the open road...
driving in a rainstorm...
i love rain and wind [and lightning and thunder]...
listening to brian preach for awhile...
listening to worship music for awhile...
miles and miles of confessing my sins [ha! ha! -- the drive to ft pierce is not that long for me to get my confession in]...
knowing i am getting close to my destination when i am in range of way-fm in palm beach county...
my favorite station...
SILENCE...
long periods of silence...
solitude...
conversations with myself...
and with god...
then a phone call as a special blessing tonight from yee haw to vero beach...
it was a kairos moment...
a word from the lord for me...
about trusting my spiritual "gut" and not just my brain...
did you know that there are just as many neurotransmitters in the gut...
as there are in the brain???
the hebrews knew it...
easterners know it...
they trust their "gut"...
a place to hear and "feel" god...
a deeper knowing in one's "knower"...
greeks opted for the brain...
westerners focus on the mind and logic...
the christian faith seems to have been hijacked along the way...
what was once a faith of the "gut"...
became a religion of the brain...
i am convinced we lost much in this unfortunate transition...
so tonight...
i went internal...
into my gut...
asking the holy spirit to fill me and overflow me...
i asked for "rivers of living water to gush out of me"...
and keep gushing...
in my youth, i was ashamed of my pentecostal roots...
so many kooks...
granolas [fruits, flakes and nuts]...
church was just plain weird at times...
so i rejected the gut and pursued the mind...
and kept pursuing the mind...
i wanted a reasoned faith...
something respectable...
BUT, there was [and is] something authentically real to the gutteral realities of my pentecostal roots...
maybe i had to become a presbyterian in order to feel at home as a pentecostal...
i do know that the cold cerebralism of presbyterianism is death...
and a quite painful one at that...
i want the life of the gut...
of the spirit...
and, i can have that fullness without the freakishness of pentecostalism on bad religious steroids...
i want the reality...
not some tired and worn out tradition...
by the way, i love presbyterians and pentecostals -- just making a point for me...
so what happened tonight???
i was a little shocked...
something in my gut broke loose during our prayer on the phone...
yes i was watching and praying -- no wrecks...
tears burst forth...
a prayer language poured out...
peace invaded my spirit [that had been in turmoil for hours as i had tried to get out of tampa]...
i felt courage for the opportunity of the weekend at ft pierce...
i felt "warm" within...
so cool...
i am asking god to empower me to follow him...
with all my gut...
and with all my mind...
and with compassionate and serving hands...
what about you???
i am in ft pierce now...
i can see the water from my hotel room...
wish nancy was here...
and jeep...
i did figure out how to connect with the internet...
bet you are surprised...
jamming to way-fm...
relaxing on the balcony...
watching the night lights glimmer on the intercoastal...
yea god!
goodnight...
guy
nancy and josh -- please give jeep a BIG HUG for me...
i love road trips...
like the one this afternoon from tampa to ft pierce...
why?
the open road...
driving in a rainstorm...
i love rain and wind [and lightning and thunder]...
listening to brian preach for awhile...
listening to worship music for awhile...
miles and miles of confessing my sins [ha! ha! -- the drive to ft pierce is not that long for me to get my confession in]...
knowing i am getting close to my destination when i am in range of way-fm in palm beach county...
my favorite station...
SILENCE...
long periods of silence...
solitude...
conversations with myself...
and with god...
then a phone call as a special blessing tonight from yee haw to vero beach...
it was a kairos moment...
a word from the lord for me...
about trusting my spiritual "gut" and not just my brain...
did you know that there are just as many neurotransmitters in the gut...
as there are in the brain???
the hebrews knew it...
easterners know it...
they trust their "gut"...
a place to hear and "feel" god...
a deeper knowing in one's "knower"...
greeks opted for the brain...
westerners focus on the mind and logic...
the christian faith seems to have been hijacked along the way...
what was once a faith of the "gut"...
became a religion of the brain...
i am convinced we lost much in this unfortunate transition...
so tonight...
i went internal...
into my gut...
asking the holy spirit to fill me and overflow me...
i asked for "rivers of living water to gush out of me"...
and keep gushing...
in my youth, i was ashamed of my pentecostal roots...
so many kooks...
granolas [fruits, flakes and nuts]...
church was just plain weird at times...
so i rejected the gut and pursued the mind...
and kept pursuing the mind...
i wanted a reasoned faith...
something respectable...
BUT, there was [and is] something authentically real to the gutteral realities of my pentecostal roots...
maybe i had to become a presbyterian in order to feel at home as a pentecostal...
i do know that the cold cerebralism of presbyterianism is death...
and a quite painful one at that...
i want the life of the gut...
of the spirit...
and, i can have that fullness without the freakishness of pentecostalism on bad religious steroids...
i want the reality...
not some tired and worn out tradition...
by the way, i love presbyterians and pentecostals -- just making a point for me...
so what happened tonight???
i was a little shocked...
something in my gut broke loose during our prayer on the phone...
yes i was watching and praying -- no wrecks...
tears burst forth...
a prayer language poured out...
peace invaded my spirit [that had been in turmoil for hours as i had tried to get out of tampa]...
i felt courage for the opportunity of the weekend at ft pierce...
i felt "warm" within...
so cool...
i am asking god to empower me to follow him...
with all my gut...
and with all my mind...
and with compassionate and serving hands...
what about you???
i am in ft pierce now...
i can see the water from my hotel room...
wish nancy was here...
and jeep...
i did figure out how to connect with the internet...
bet you are surprised...
jamming to way-fm...
relaxing on the balcony...
watching the night lights glimmer on the intercoastal...
yea god!
goodnight...
guy
nancy and josh -- please give jeep a BIG HUG for me...
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Lent day 23
greetings!
a friend sent me the following as a reflection on yesterday's entry...
thank you donald...
"from angry conversations with god...
a conversation between a counselor and a counselee:
rudy: it’s a horrifying gift to see yourself as you really are.
susan: i got the horrifying part. what’s the gift?
rudy: you know how much god loves you. not because you’re good, but because you’re his. and now you know what you need to change. [page 220]
excellent...
today i was reflecting on something my friend M.E. said last night in his testimony...
at his gradualtion from his six-month sobriety program at the salvation army...
he said one of the most important things he learned in the program was to "shut up and listen..."
great wisdom...
part of my journey over the past four years has dealt with the wisdom of listening...
the old two ears one mouth parable...
guess god knew what he was doing...
i love what nouwen says...
"to listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements or declarations...
true listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known...
they are free to receive, to welcome, to accept...
listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond...
listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings...
the beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves...
listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully and even to dare to be silent with you..."
here's a haunting thought...
how many people do you know "who dare to be silent with you"???
thank you nancy!
i remember the story of the desert father who was hosting a very important religious leader from rome...
the entire time the religious luminary was visiting in the community, the old desert father said absolutely nothing...
he remained silent...
when the dignatary left and returned to rome, some of the younger monks in the community were indignant...
why didn't you edify the important visitor from rome with your wise conversation?
the old sage simply said...
if he was not edified by my silence, there is no chance he would have been edified by my much-speaking...
wish i was that wise...
i think it is proverbs that reminds us that it is better to keep our mouths closed and let people wonder about our wisdom, than to open our lips and confirm to all who listen that we really are fools...
'nuff said...
good night...
guy
a friend sent me the following as a reflection on yesterday's entry...
thank you donald...
"from angry conversations with god...
a conversation between a counselor and a counselee:
rudy: it’s a horrifying gift to see yourself as you really are.
susan: i got the horrifying part. what’s the gift?
rudy: you know how much god loves you. not because you’re good, but because you’re his. and now you know what you need to change. [page 220]
excellent...
today i was reflecting on something my friend M.E. said last night in his testimony...
at his gradualtion from his six-month sobriety program at the salvation army...
he said one of the most important things he learned in the program was to "shut up and listen..."
great wisdom...
part of my journey over the past four years has dealt with the wisdom of listening...
the old two ears one mouth parable...
guess god knew what he was doing...
i love what nouwen says...
"to listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements or declarations...
true listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known...
they are free to receive, to welcome, to accept...
listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond...
listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings...
the beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves...
listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully and even to dare to be silent with you..."
here's a haunting thought...
how many people do you know "who dare to be silent with you"???
thank you nancy!
i remember the story of the desert father who was hosting a very important religious leader from rome...
the entire time the religious luminary was visiting in the community, the old desert father said absolutely nothing...
he remained silent...
when the dignatary left and returned to rome, some of the younger monks in the community were indignant...
why didn't you edify the important visitor from rome with your wise conversation?
the old sage simply said...
if he was not edified by my silence, there is no chance he would have been edified by my much-speaking...
wish i was that wise...
i think it is proverbs that reminds us that it is better to keep our mouths closed and let people wonder about our wisdom, than to open our lips and confirm to all who listen that we really are fools...
'nuff said...
good night...
guy
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Lent day 22
greetings...
i first met M.E. last summer...
he stumbled in drunk to the hub [at the tampa underground]...
he was directed to my class on spiritual formation...
it was exciting...
straight off the street...
living behind a building in ybor...
drinking beer all day...
choosing not to bathe...
a pretty rough dude...
he was NOT a compliant student...
he tried to take over the class...
he scared some of the summer interns...
but, he was there...
with us...
i was thankful...
he and i had a word after class...
"M.E., i want you here -- in this class -- but do NOT come again drunk..."
"respect me and i will respect you -- OK???"
it began a friendship...
he came almost every week...
he engaged the material...
at times he was right on...
he surprised me with his insight...
he really applied himself...
he began to grow...
he really added to the class...
then, the summer institute was over...
i tried to stay in touch with M.E. at the weekend services...
but, suddenly he was missing...
i was so worried...
did he leave the city?
was he back on the street?
did he fall off the wagon?
was he drinking again?
was he MIA for good?
then, i got an invitation this week...
i was invited to a graduation tonight at the salvation army center in north tampa...
M.E. was graduating from the six month arc [adult rehab center] residency program...
six months clean and sober...
six month living in biblical community...
six months toward the beginning of a brand new life...
AWESOME!!!
did i go?
you bet!
there was M.E...
in a suit and tie...
clean and all slicked up...
a picture of joy...
i cannot express just how proud i felt...
i had feared the worst...
god had blessed us with the best...
about 10 or so members of the underground family were present to cheer for M.E.
we were all so proud...
i am so glad to be a part of a spiritual family like this...
matthew 25 in real life...
M.E. is staying on in the program...
he is serious about this new life in jesus...
did i mention that i am so proud of my friend?
blessings!
guy
it was also cool to see a second underground guy just beginning the program this last week -- please join me in praying for R.P.
i first met M.E. last summer...
he stumbled in drunk to the hub [at the tampa underground]...
he was directed to my class on spiritual formation...
it was exciting...
straight off the street...
living behind a building in ybor...
drinking beer all day...
choosing not to bathe...
a pretty rough dude...
he was NOT a compliant student...
he tried to take over the class...
he scared some of the summer interns...
but, he was there...
with us...
i was thankful...
he and i had a word after class...
"M.E., i want you here -- in this class -- but do NOT come again drunk..."
"respect me and i will respect you -- OK???"
it began a friendship...
he came almost every week...
he engaged the material...
at times he was right on...
he surprised me with his insight...
he really applied himself...
he began to grow...
he really added to the class...
then, the summer institute was over...
i tried to stay in touch with M.E. at the weekend services...
but, suddenly he was missing...
i was so worried...
did he leave the city?
was he back on the street?
did he fall off the wagon?
was he drinking again?
was he MIA for good?
then, i got an invitation this week...
i was invited to a graduation tonight at the salvation army center in north tampa...
M.E. was graduating from the six month arc [adult rehab center] residency program...
six months clean and sober...
six month living in biblical community...
six months toward the beginning of a brand new life...
AWESOME!!!
did i go?
you bet!
there was M.E...
in a suit and tie...
clean and all slicked up...
a picture of joy...
i cannot express just how proud i felt...
i had feared the worst...
god had blessed us with the best...
about 10 or so members of the underground family were present to cheer for M.E.
we were all so proud...
i am so glad to be a part of a spiritual family like this...
matthew 25 in real life...
M.E. is staying on in the program...
he is serious about this new life in jesus...
did i mention that i am so proud of my friend?
blessings!
guy
it was also cool to see a second underground guy just beginning the program this last week -- please join me in praying for R.P.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Lent day 21
greetings!
we are over halfway home for the 40 days of lent...
two things on my mind tonight...
[1] revisiting one of my greatest breakthroughs in my growing up and recovery...
it was over a year ago now...
my spiritual director confronted me with a question...
in front of god and everybody...
right in the middle of one of my whining sprees about failures in love...
my failures in loving...
the failures of others to really love me...
the church confusing me about the really good news of god's radical and unconditional love...
poor, poor, pitiful me...
my laundry list came out...
going down the list of those whose withheld affection or toxic love had hurt me...
left me as damaged goods...
i was wearing out that old tape...
what i coulda done...
what i shoulda done...
what i oughta done...
jim interupted me [thankfully]...
maybe he was tired of hearing it...
i was getting tired of rehearsing it [and never getting unstuck and moving forward]...
"maybe you did the best you could with what you had to work with at the time???"
"maybe everybody else did the best they could do with what they had to work with at the time???"
"maybe..."
could it be???
i could leave the past behind...
move to the present...
live in the moment...
focus on TODAY...
maybe i was the best father i could be at that time...
maybe i was using all the resources that i had at that time...
maybe my dad was doing all he could do with what he had at that time...
maybe i was the best husband i could be at that time...
maybe i was using all the resources at my disposal at that stage in my development...
maybe...
so what???
maybe i should move forward with...
no excuses...
no regrets...
no shame...
no guilt...
no condemnation...
for me...
or others...
making amends is right on...
restitution is wise...
saying sorry...meaning it...then moving on...
moving on...
a better dad...
growing in love...
a more grace-filled son...
a better husband...
growing in love...
finally growing up at mid-life...
not cursing what i have not been...
but, developing new skills which will release me to be a blessing to others...
making the most of what i am becoming...
it is a better journey...
note the following thought from nouwen on "reflecting god's perfect love"...
"God's love for us is everlasting.
That means that God's love for us existed before we were born and will exist after we have died.
It is an eternal love in which we are embraced.
Living a spiritual life calls us to claim that eternal love for ourselves so that we can live our temporal loves - for parents, brothers, sisters, teachers, friends, spouses, and all people who become part of our lives - as reflections or refractions of God's eternal love.
No fathers or mothers can love their children perfectly.
No husbands or wives can love each other with unlimited love.
There is no human love that is not broken somewhere.
When our broken love is the only love we can have, we are easily thrown into despair, but when we can live our broken love as a partial reflection of God's perfect, unconditional love, we can forgive one another our limitations and enjoy together the love we have to offer."
no human love is perfect...
all our best attempts are stained by our brokenness...
let's move forward...
making the most of who we are becoming...
if i can do this [with help and support]...
SO CAN YOU...
[2] lessons from today...
i will save this one for tomorrow...
goodnight...
guy
we are over halfway home for the 40 days of lent...
two things on my mind tonight...
[1] revisiting one of my greatest breakthroughs in my growing up and recovery...
it was over a year ago now...
my spiritual director confronted me with a question...
in front of god and everybody...
right in the middle of one of my whining sprees about failures in love...
my failures in loving...
the failures of others to really love me...
the church confusing me about the really good news of god's radical and unconditional love...
poor, poor, pitiful me...
my laundry list came out...
going down the list of those whose withheld affection or toxic love had hurt me...
left me as damaged goods...
i was wearing out that old tape...
what i coulda done...
what i shoulda done...
what i oughta done...
jim interupted me [thankfully]...
maybe he was tired of hearing it...
i was getting tired of rehearsing it [and never getting unstuck and moving forward]...
"maybe you did the best you could with what you had to work with at the time???"
"maybe everybody else did the best they could do with what they had to work with at the time???"
"maybe..."
could it be???
i could leave the past behind...
move to the present...
live in the moment...
focus on TODAY...
maybe i was the best father i could be at that time...
maybe i was using all the resources that i had at that time...
maybe my dad was doing all he could do with what he had at that time...
maybe i was the best husband i could be at that time...
maybe i was using all the resources at my disposal at that stage in my development...
maybe...
so what???
maybe i should move forward with...
no excuses...
no regrets...
no shame...
no guilt...
no condemnation...
for me...
or others...
making amends is right on...
restitution is wise...
saying sorry...meaning it...then moving on...
moving on...
a better dad...
growing in love...
a more grace-filled son...
a better husband...
growing in love...
finally growing up at mid-life...
not cursing what i have not been...
but, developing new skills which will release me to be a blessing to others...
making the most of what i am becoming...
it is a better journey...
note the following thought from nouwen on "reflecting god's perfect love"...
"God's love for us is everlasting.
That means that God's love for us existed before we were born and will exist after we have died.
It is an eternal love in which we are embraced.
Living a spiritual life calls us to claim that eternal love for ourselves so that we can live our temporal loves - for parents, brothers, sisters, teachers, friends, spouses, and all people who become part of our lives - as reflections or refractions of God's eternal love.
No fathers or mothers can love their children perfectly.
No husbands or wives can love each other with unlimited love.
There is no human love that is not broken somewhere.
When our broken love is the only love we can have, we are easily thrown into despair, but when we can live our broken love as a partial reflection of God's perfect, unconditional love, we can forgive one another our limitations and enjoy together the love we have to offer."
no human love is perfect...
all our best attempts are stained by our brokenness...
let's move forward...
making the most of who we are becoming...
if i can do this [with help and support]...
SO CAN YOU...
[2] lessons from today...
i will save this one for tomorrow...
goodnight...
guy
Monday, March 8, 2010
Lent day 20
greetings!
have i mentioned lately how much i love henri nouwen?
can't wait to meet him in heaven...
YES, i am sure he is there...
he had his problems...
but...
so do i...
do you have yours???
thank god, it's not about our goodness -- it is about grace...
grace greater than our capacity to screw it up...
nouwen always seems to put into words the secret places of my heart...
i have needed him over the past four years to take me to internal places where i really did NOT want to go...
but where i most needed to go...
he has been a welcomed candle giving a flickering, fragile flame to my spirit...
chasing away entire rooms of stubborn and long-standing darkness...
the holy spirit has used his writings to re-awaken my mid-life soul...
given my childhood, i have spent most of my adult life asking God to expand my heart beyond prejudice...
to give me his love of another kind that speaks a brutal and welcomed death to pre-judging...
to become an authentically nonjudgemental presence in this world...
check this out...
"One of the hardest spiritual tasks is to live without prejudices.
Sometimes we aren't even aware how deeply rooted our prejudices are.
We may think that we relate to people who are different from us in colour, religion, sexual orientation, or lifestyle as equals, but in concrete circumstances our spontaneous thoughts, uncensored words, and knee-jerk reactions often reveal that our prejudices are still there.
Strangers, people different than we are, stir up fear, discomfort, suspicion, and hostility.
They make us lose our sense of security just by being 'other.'
Only when we fully claim that God loves us in an unconditional way and look at 'those other persons' as equally loved can we begin to discover that the great variety in being human is an expression of the immense richness of God's heart.
Then the need to prejudge people can gradually disappear."
want to join me on this journey...
let's walk into the wholeness of love together...
shalom...
guy
my eyes are VERY heavy -- good night...
have i mentioned lately how much i love henri nouwen?
can't wait to meet him in heaven...
YES, i am sure he is there...
he had his problems...
but...
so do i...
do you have yours???
thank god, it's not about our goodness -- it is about grace...
grace greater than our capacity to screw it up...
nouwen always seems to put into words the secret places of my heart...
i have needed him over the past four years to take me to internal places where i really did NOT want to go...
but where i most needed to go...
he has been a welcomed candle giving a flickering, fragile flame to my spirit...
chasing away entire rooms of stubborn and long-standing darkness...
the holy spirit has used his writings to re-awaken my mid-life soul...
given my childhood, i have spent most of my adult life asking God to expand my heart beyond prejudice...
to give me his love of another kind that speaks a brutal and welcomed death to pre-judging...
to become an authentically nonjudgemental presence in this world...
check this out...
"One of the hardest spiritual tasks is to live without prejudices.
Sometimes we aren't even aware how deeply rooted our prejudices are.
We may think that we relate to people who are different from us in colour, religion, sexual orientation, or lifestyle as equals, but in concrete circumstances our spontaneous thoughts, uncensored words, and knee-jerk reactions often reveal that our prejudices are still there.
Strangers, people different than we are, stir up fear, discomfort, suspicion, and hostility.
They make us lose our sense of security just by being 'other.'
Only when we fully claim that God loves us in an unconditional way and look at 'those other persons' as equally loved can we begin to discover that the great variety in being human is an expression of the immense richness of God's heart.
Then the need to prejudge people can gradually disappear."
want to join me on this journey...
let's walk into the wholeness of love together...
shalom...
guy
my eyes are VERY heavy -- good night...
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Lent day 19
good evening...
we just got in from orlando...
nancy and i spent the day with her sister kathy and her family who were in the area for vacation...
a great visit...
good food...
deep sharing...
heart connecting...
when i got home, i saw this from henri nouwen:
"In my own life I well know how hard it is for me to trust that I am loved, and to trust that the intimacy I most crave is there for me.
I most often live as if I have to earn love, do something noteworthy, and then perhaps I might get something in return.
This attitude touches the whole question of what is called in the spiritual life, the 'first love.'
Do I really believe that I am loved first, independent of what I do or what I accomplish?
This is an important question because as long as I think that what I most need I have to earn, deserve and collect by hard work, I will never get what I most need and desire, which is a love that cannot be earned, but that is freely given.
Thus, my return is my willingness to renounce such thoughts and to choose to live more and more from my true identity as a cherished child of God."
living in full security as a beloved child frees us to live with indomitable courage!
be bold...
blessings!
guy
Jeep is a wild man -- acting like a true two-year-old tonight -- guess he missed his long walk at the park today...
we just got in from orlando...
nancy and i spent the day with her sister kathy and her family who were in the area for vacation...
a great visit...
good food...
deep sharing...
heart connecting...
when i got home, i saw this from henri nouwen:
"In my own life I well know how hard it is for me to trust that I am loved, and to trust that the intimacy I most crave is there for me.
I most often live as if I have to earn love, do something noteworthy, and then perhaps I might get something in return.
This attitude touches the whole question of what is called in the spiritual life, the 'first love.'
Do I really believe that I am loved first, independent of what I do or what I accomplish?
This is an important question because as long as I think that what I most need I have to earn, deserve and collect by hard work, I will never get what I most need and desire, which is a love that cannot be earned, but that is freely given.
Thus, my return is my willingness to renounce such thoughts and to choose to live more and more from my true identity as a cherished child of God."
living in full security as a beloved child frees us to live with indomitable courage!
be bold...
blessings!
guy
Jeep is a wild man -- acting like a true two-year-old tonight -- guess he missed his long walk at the park today...
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Lent day 18
day #18
go Peyton Manning!!!
my favorite #18...
moving on...
went to the farm today and cut firewood...
hopefully my last truckload of the year...
i love cool weather, but enough is enough...
i hurried back to the city for an afternoon funeral...
have you ever noticed how much human beings want to "belong"???
more on that later...
still reflecting on "conversion"...
seems that conversion must have at least three components [as a beginning point]...
[1] it has a "head" piece -- it involves belief, trust -- thinking and reflecting...
it does matter what you trust in...
believing that god is -- god is there [and here and everywhere] -- existence...
believing that god is relational -- god loves...
believing that god is personal -- god loves me -- god desires relationship with me...
[2] it has a "heart" piece -- it involves intimacy, engagement and passion -- connecting with god and others...
not enough just to believe [even if one believes correctly] -- there must be the experience of love...
transformation happens when love happens -- love of god, of others and of self...
[3] it has a "hand" piece -- it involves what we believe and what we experience relationally being lived out in service to others...
conversion has a very practical side -- matthew 25 -- doing the stuff that jesus would do to the least, the last and the lost...
god is not so awed by our head and heart UNLESS the hands are active in serving -- the proof is in the praxis!!!
have you ever been to an elks funeral?
i never had, until today...
i don't want to say much -- some angry elk man may grab their antlers off their altar and come after me...
no, i am not kidding...
BIG antlers on the altar...
let me just say that it was different...
VERY different...
all that being said...
i walked into a real community...
NO KIDDING!
these people loved each other...
they honored their fallen elk man...
they celebrated his life...
comforted his family...
and each other...
they ate together [or grazed???] after the service...
i was hungry so i became an elk for a meal and grazed with them...
they had a whole protocol...
an elk charter...
please don't take this as a negative...
they seemed like a bunch of boys who had their very own treehouse...
they wanted to BELONG...
that is not weird or bizarre and unusual...
elks are like all the rest of us in the sense that they too want to BELONG...
communitas is a priority for us as human persons...
and it is central to our conversion...
i am no longer assured that this means that we all have to be part of a local church for this conversion thing to happen...
BUT, we must be living and loving within a true biblical communitas...
not only do we desire each other...
WE NEED EACH OTHER!!!
are you plugged into a place where you really belong?
communitas is essential to our ongoing conversion...
but i am sure that antlers are optional...
let's walk this journey TOGETHER...
pax...
guy
by the way, elks know how to graze -- the food was awesome...
the memorial service was phenomenal as well...
go Peyton Manning!!!
my favorite #18...
moving on...
went to the farm today and cut firewood...
hopefully my last truckload of the year...
i love cool weather, but enough is enough...
i hurried back to the city for an afternoon funeral...
have you ever noticed how much human beings want to "belong"???
more on that later...
still reflecting on "conversion"...
seems that conversion must have at least three components [as a beginning point]...
[1] it has a "head" piece -- it involves belief, trust -- thinking and reflecting...
it does matter what you trust in...
believing that god is -- god is there [and here and everywhere] -- existence...
believing that god is relational -- god loves...
believing that god is personal -- god loves me -- god desires relationship with me...
[2] it has a "heart" piece -- it involves intimacy, engagement and passion -- connecting with god and others...
not enough just to believe [even if one believes correctly] -- there must be the experience of love...
transformation happens when love happens -- love of god, of others and of self...
[3] it has a "hand" piece -- it involves what we believe and what we experience relationally being lived out in service to others...
conversion has a very practical side -- matthew 25 -- doing the stuff that jesus would do to the least, the last and the lost...
god is not so awed by our head and heart UNLESS the hands are active in serving -- the proof is in the praxis!!!
have you ever been to an elks funeral?
i never had, until today...
i don't want to say much -- some angry elk man may grab their antlers off their altar and come after me...
no, i am not kidding...
BIG antlers on the altar...
let me just say that it was different...
VERY different...
all that being said...
i walked into a real community...
NO KIDDING!
these people loved each other...
they honored their fallen elk man...
they celebrated his life...
comforted his family...
and each other...
they ate together [or grazed???] after the service...
i was hungry so i became an elk for a meal and grazed with them...
they had a whole protocol...
an elk charter...
please don't take this as a negative...
they seemed like a bunch of boys who had their very own treehouse...
they wanted to BELONG...
that is not weird or bizarre and unusual...
elks are like all the rest of us in the sense that they too want to BELONG...
communitas is a priority for us as human persons...
and it is central to our conversion...
i am no longer assured that this means that we all have to be part of a local church for this conversion thing to happen...
BUT, we must be living and loving within a true biblical communitas...
not only do we desire each other...
WE NEED EACH OTHER!!!
are you plugged into a place where you really belong?
communitas is essential to our ongoing conversion...
but i am sure that antlers are optional...
let's walk this journey TOGETHER...
pax...
guy
by the way, elks know how to graze -- the food was awesome...
the memorial service was phenomenal as well...
Friday, March 5, 2010
Lent day 17
good friday evening...
every day is a learning experience...
we learn from people all around us...
some are so "sharp" that we expect to learn from them...
others are so "common" that we may wonder what "they" can possibly teach us...
mentorship is always mutual [i am so glad floyd mcclung taught me that early on]...
floyd always said that the unmistakable mark of an arrogant person is that they were no longer teachable -- they already think they know everything...
he encouraged me, as a young dude [still pretty full of myself and probably some other stuff as well -- ha! ha!] -- keep on learning...
everyday...
in every way possible...
from everyone god brings into your life...
god teaches us through some unlikely vessels...
my best lesson today came out of nowhere...
i wasn't expecting it -- or prepared for it...
it was from mr williams...
he was struggling to breathe today...
"guy, i can't get a deep breath right now..."
only one week into his 69th year...
after some small talk, i asked him about his spirit...
how are you doing in your spirit today mr williams?
i am doing great...
then he said it...
"i started today like i do EVERY DAY of my life...
i asked jesus to guide my way...
i want him to direct my steps...
i want to walk in his ways...
i want to please him...
no side-stepping...
no getting out of line...
I NEED JESUS!"
guess mr williams is much more spiritual than me...
he is and was a fitting teacher...
i stopped and wrote down his maxim...
what wisdom...
this sounds a lot like "conversion" to me...
what do you think???
blessings...
guy
who did you learn from today???
let's be ready tomorrow and stay open for the wise gems that may be coming from god through some unexpected source[s]...
every day is a learning experience...
we learn from people all around us...
some are so "sharp" that we expect to learn from them...
others are so "common" that we may wonder what "they" can possibly teach us...
mentorship is always mutual [i am so glad floyd mcclung taught me that early on]...
floyd always said that the unmistakable mark of an arrogant person is that they were no longer teachable -- they already think they know everything...
he encouraged me, as a young dude [still pretty full of myself and probably some other stuff as well -- ha! ha!] -- keep on learning...
everyday...
in every way possible...
from everyone god brings into your life...
god teaches us through some unlikely vessels...
my best lesson today came out of nowhere...
i wasn't expecting it -- or prepared for it...
it was from mr williams...
he was struggling to breathe today...
"guy, i can't get a deep breath right now..."
only one week into his 69th year...
after some small talk, i asked him about his spirit...
how are you doing in your spirit today mr williams?
i am doing great...
then he said it...
"i started today like i do EVERY DAY of my life...
i asked jesus to guide my way...
i want him to direct my steps...
i want to walk in his ways...
i want to please him...
no side-stepping...
no getting out of line...
I NEED JESUS!"
guess mr williams is much more spiritual than me...
he is and was a fitting teacher...
i stopped and wrote down his maxim...
what wisdom...
this sounds a lot like "conversion" to me...
what do you think???
blessings...
guy
who did you learn from today???
let's be ready tomorrow and stay open for the wise gems that may be coming from god through some unexpected source[s]...
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Lent day 16
good evening...
life gets so busy...
life moves so fast...
life seems like a whirlwind at times...
how do we chill?
how do we mash pause?
how do we pursue what the spiritual masters call the practice of "slowing"?
i got a lesson today...
i visited deborah one month ago today...
she was alert and oriented...
she was sick, she had cancer...
but she seemed "fine" for the time being...
we were talking at a surface level during this last visit and then she opened up...
"guy, i am afraid to die..."
we went deeper really fast...
we were making such great progress, but then she ran out of energy...
"i am so tired -- can we pick this up next time?"
sounded OK...
ot would only be a month...
so today was the day...
but there would be no deep spiritual interaction today...
what a change!
deborah's breathing was so labored...
she was struggling just to get her breath...
she was semi-conscious...
not alert...
totally disoriented...
the silence was deafening...
broken only infrequently by an occasional unintelligible groan...
it seemed she was saying "help me"...
a prayer???
what could i do???
nothing...
then god planted a thought...
"spend an hour holding her hand..."
doing nothing interactive...
doing nothing "productive" as a board certified chaplain...
doing nothing that would be noticed...
just pray...
just sing [very quietly of course]...
just read the psalms...
just comfort her when she groans...
just chill...
just wait...
just "be there"...
the first five minutes seemed like a year...
i felt i had done everything i could in about ten minutes...
OK god, really, 45 more minutes???
i focused on her hand...
holding it...
returning an occasional squeeze...
comforting her when she stirred...
presence really does matter...
well, i made it...
one whole hour...
my body had relaxed...
my soul was at peace...
my spirit felt connected...
thank you lord for real-life lessons...
i am much better for it!
i wonder if deborah will live through the night???
pax et bonum...
guy
i am still thinking about "conversion" -- what is it -- REALLY???
life gets so busy...
life moves so fast...
life seems like a whirlwind at times...
how do we chill?
how do we mash pause?
how do we pursue what the spiritual masters call the practice of "slowing"?
i got a lesson today...
i visited deborah one month ago today...
she was alert and oriented...
she was sick, she had cancer...
but she seemed "fine" for the time being...
we were talking at a surface level during this last visit and then she opened up...
"guy, i am afraid to die..."
we went deeper really fast...
we were making such great progress, but then she ran out of energy...
"i am so tired -- can we pick this up next time?"
sounded OK...
ot would only be a month...
so today was the day...
but there would be no deep spiritual interaction today...
what a change!
deborah's breathing was so labored...
she was struggling just to get her breath...
she was semi-conscious...
not alert...
totally disoriented...
the silence was deafening...
broken only infrequently by an occasional unintelligible groan...
it seemed she was saying "help me"...
a prayer???
what could i do???
nothing...
then god planted a thought...
"spend an hour holding her hand..."
doing nothing interactive...
doing nothing "productive" as a board certified chaplain...
doing nothing that would be noticed...
just pray...
just sing [very quietly of course]...
just read the psalms...
just comfort her when she groans...
just chill...
just wait...
just "be there"...
the first five minutes seemed like a year...
i felt i had done everything i could in about ten minutes...
OK god, really, 45 more minutes???
i focused on her hand...
holding it...
returning an occasional squeeze...
comforting her when she stirred...
presence really does matter...
well, i made it...
one whole hour...
my body had relaxed...
my soul was at peace...
my spirit felt connected...
thank you lord for real-life lessons...
i am much better for it!
i wonder if deborah will live through the night???
pax et bonum...
guy
i am still thinking about "conversion" -- what is it -- REALLY???
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Lent day 15
good evening...
i sinned at lunch today...
please don't tell nancy...
i was sitting at a chinese restaurant in south tampa eating sesame chicken for lunch...
not good...
[but it sure tasted great...]
i was sitting there reflecting on a richard rohr quote about "conversion"...
i wrote in my journal: "what is conversion really???"
wonder if it has anything to do with overcoming gluttony -- ha! ha!
in the middle of it all, god redeemed my sinfulness...
a homeless guy walked in and started begging the asian hostess for a cup of rice...
"i am so hungry -- PLEASE!!!"
she brought him a little container of rice...
he was relieved...
i heard god say to do something more...
so i walked up and asked if he would like some sesame chicken...
he broke out in a smile...
a $6 investment...
jimmy sat down at the table with me while they were preparing his food...
as we talked, the lady at the table next to us had her leftovers packaged and gave them to him...
he was from stone mountain GA...
he had lost his job and was living on the street in south tampa...
he was struggling with life -- and with god...
not really "all there..."
pretty angry...
"how can you say that god really cares and watches out for us???"
"i try to trust god, but i just got beat up by two guys on nebraska..."
"where was god then?"
i shared my thought that god is always around...
in the good and in the not so good...
sometimes bad stuff just happens...
before it was all over, jimmy had a bag of food...
he will eat for a whole day [at least]...
i suggested that maybe his blessing might have come from god...
he smiled...
we hugged and he left...
i blessed him...
the richard rohr quote:
"conversion, the movement toward the Lord, is a process of disenchantment with the ego, recognizing how truly afraid and poor it is.
the only way people can ever be freed from their fears is to be freed from themselves...
there is almost a complete correlation between the amount of fear in our lives and the amount of attachment we have to ourselves...
the person who is beyond fear has given up the need to control or possess...
that one says, i am who i am in god's eyes -- nothing more, nothing less...
i don't need to impress you because i am who i am, and not who you think i am -- or who i think i am...
in christ, you do not need the false self...
you have faced the enemy once and for all and, guess what?
it's YOU!"
what is conversion???
think i will reflect on that in the morning when my brain is fresh again...
think i am done thinking for the night...
blessings!
guy
i wonder if conversion has anything to do with feeding the hungry?
maybe that is what jesus would do...
guy
i sinned at lunch today...
please don't tell nancy...
i was sitting at a chinese restaurant in south tampa eating sesame chicken for lunch...
not good...
[but it sure tasted great...]
i was sitting there reflecting on a richard rohr quote about "conversion"...
i wrote in my journal: "what is conversion really???"
wonder if it has anything to do with overcoming gluttony -- ha! ha!
in the middle of it all, god redeemed my sinfulness...
a homeless guy walked in and started begging the asian hostess for a cup of rice...
"i am so hungry -- PLEASE!!!"
she brought him a little container of rice...
he was relieved...
i heard god say to do something more...
so i walked up and asked if he would like some sesame chicken...
he broke out in a smile...
a $6 investment...
jimmy sat down at the table with me while they were preparing his food...
as we talked, the lady at the table next to us had her leftovers packaged and gave them to him...
he was from stone mountain GA...
he had lost his job and was living on the street in south tampa...
he was struggling with life -- and with god...
not really "all there..."
pretty angry...
"how can you say that god really cares and watches out for us???"
"i try to trust god, but i just got beat up by two guys on nebraska..."
"where was god then?"
i shared my thought that god is always around...
in the good and in the not so good...
sometimes bad stuff just happens...
before it was all over, jimmy had a bag of food...
he will eat for a whole day [at least]...
i suggested that maybe his blessing might have come from god...
he smiled...
we hugged and he left...
i blessed him...
the richard rohr quote:
"conversion, the movement toward the Lord, is a process of disenchantment with the ego, recognizing how truly afraid and poor it is.
the only way people can ever be freed from their fears is to be freed from themselves...
there is almost a complete correlation between the amount of fear in our lives and the amount of attachment we have to ourselves...
the person who is beyond fear has given up the need to control or possess...
that one says, i am who i am in god's eyes -- nothing more, nothing less...
i don't need to impress you because i am who i am, and not who you think i am -- or who i think i am...
in christ, you do not need the false self...
you have faced the enemy once and for all and, guess what?
it's YOU!"
what is conversion???
think i will reflect on that in the morning when my brain is fresh again...
think i am done thinking for the night...
blessings!
guy
i wonder if conversion has anything to do with feeding the hungry?
maybe that is what jesus would do...
guy
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