Lent day 12

a gorgeous day...

sun is out...

temp has climbed to 60+...

we had an awesome morning at the tampa underground...

i spoke on "jesus in his father's house" [from john 2.13-25]...

so cool...

i was blown away by the last phrase in verse 25 -- jesus knows what is in every human person [including ME and YOU]...

at first, this scared me spitless -- my old false self reacted: "if God really knows me, how could he possibly love me..."

but, that's NOT the good news...

the gospel is that jesus knows everything about all of us and still loves us as his beloved children...

just ask simon peter...

i heard and shared the good news this morning -- the love of God is ferocious and fiery -- not something to be played with -- the most powerful force in this universe -- he has shown his love to us -- NO one or NOTHING can ever rip us out of our father's grasp...

i love what richard rohr says:

"god's love is total, unconditional, absolute and forever...

the state of grace -- god's attitude toward us -- is eternal...

we are the ones who change...

sometimes we are able to believe that god loves us unconditionally, absolutely and forever...

THAT'S GRACE!!!

and sometimes because we get down on ourselves, and carry guilt and fear and burdens, we are not able to believe that god loves us...

biblically, that is the greatest sin -- not to believe the good news, not to accept the unconditional love of god...

when we no longer believe god loves us, we can no longer love ourselves...

we have to allow god to continually fill us...

then we find in our own lives the power to give love away..."

well said...

now, let's live with this kind of security...

shalom...

guy

off to micro church -- talk with you tomorrow...

Lent day 11

it is cold here again today...

and raining...

47 degrees in FL is very cold...

especially at mid-day...

we are all huddled around the fireplace...

nancy and jeep are "hogging the heat"...

i am getting ready to finish up tomorrow's sermon...

i am speaking at the tampa underground in the morning...

send up a prayer for my prep...

and the talk...

more later...

guy

Lent day 10

i missed last night -- oops...

my thought for friday...

mr williams turned 69 today...

i rushed my other 5 visits today so i could devote some uninterupted time in the afternoon to my friend of almost 2 years...

i wanted him to have a little party...

just for him...

first stop was first choice BBQ...

a whole slab of ribs -- a LARGE slab [with extra sauce]...

turnip greens...

macaroni salad...

baked beans...

a BBQ feast fit for a king [or my friend as he turns 69]...

next stop the bakery...

a birthday cake...

personalized with HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR WILLIAMS...

my scion smelled SO GOOD on the way to his room...

i couldn't wait to see him...

he was so surprised -- so thrilled!

a big smile for the first choice BBQ -- "now i can deal with then ribs!!!"

then, he saw the birthday cake...

"it has my name on it..."

i thought he was going to cry...

me too!

then, we both broke out in smiles...

great conversation...

reminiscing back through his life...

connecting with his memories...

then he said...

"i am so glad i made it to 69..."

"not sure i would ever make it..."

"i hope i make the big 7-0..."

"wonder if i will?"

i am not sure if he will either...

the docs don't think he will [but they thought he would be dead in late 2008]...

guess we just don't know...

only God does...

so we decided it was best to enjoy every single day of his 69th year...

one day at a time...

making the most of every single moment...

guess that may be the best way for ALL of us to live...

go for it!

guy

mr williams wanted to see Jeep -- so i will make a drop in later today and let him see the pup...

maybe Jeep is preparing for a future as a LPH care dog/

Lent day 9

good evening...

i visited with mr royal this morning...

what a great hour!

an 82 year old african american man from the inner city...

he is almost totally blind...

he is dying of COPD...

he could barely breathe today...

he just came home after 2 months in the hospital and two rehab centers...

he came "very near to death's door..."

he has a 3rd grade education...

he is brilliant...

a self-taught philosopher...

my royal always tells me...

"i love questions..."

"i have come to the conclusion that i can learn from anyone -- even a fool..."

"i love God because he is full of mystery..."

my royal is a gifted storyteller...

today, he recounted his own rendition of "gulliver's travels -- my adventures in the hospital and the rehab center from hell..."

it was ALL good...

but, he said three things i will hold onto far beyond today...

first, he mused: "in all your questioning, never lose your capacity to marvel..."

life is always about much more than we can think or imagine...

secondly, he shared: "no matter what, never lose your gratitude..."

God has give us all so very much...

finally, as he was talking about the end of his life, he said: "never lose your love for God or for yourself -- agree with God -- he loves you, so you can love you too! i don't worry about earning my salvation anymore, why should i work for something he has already given to me as a gift? i'll just receive his gift..."

mr royal loves God -- and himself...

he reminded me again today that it is OK for me to love me...

do you love you???

i love you...

blessings!

guy

i hope you have a mr royal in your life -- i am blessed to have several...

i thank God he gives me such excellent teachers...

masters of life...

Lent day 8

greetings...

last wednesday was ash wednesday -- the beginning of the lenten season...

we have been sharing this journey for a week now...

how are we doing with our secrets?

what about our shadow?

i am struggling to make sense of it -- to move forward...

this seems to be a life season where i need to make some sense of my struggling side...

how about you???

i love what nouwen says...

"Bringing our secrets into the light...

We all have our secrets: thoughts, memories, feelings that we keep to ourselves.

Often we think, 'If people knew what I feel or think, they would not love me.'

These carefully kept secrets can do us much harm.

They can make us feel guilty or ashamed and may lead us to self-rejection, depression, and even suicidal thoughts and actions.

One of the most important things we can do with our secrets is to share them in a safe place, with people we trust.

When we have a good way to bring our secrets into the light and can look at them with others, we will quickly discover that we are not alone with our secrets and that our trusting friends will love us more deeply and more intimately than before.

Bringing our secrets into the light creates community and inner healing.

As a result of sharing secrets, not only will others love us better but we will love ourselves more fully."

i asked a friend who is struggling along with me a question i think we all need to hear and engage...

"can you imagine doing or being ANYTHING that would make God -- and your closest friends -- reject or turn away from you???"

what would you say???

my friend could not say NO -- she said YES -- i am praying that this changes for her...

i think it must change for her life to be what she craves...

i can now say NO [most all of the time] -- God's love is coming through that powerfully -- FINALLY!

i am growing more secure in my authentic identity as a beloved son of the Father...

the more i live in that foundational identity -- the less i am tempted to live my life to please others [and the more i desire to please the Father]...

when i am immersed in that kind of love...

secrets are shared [and lose their power]...

my shadow is accepted [and does not take control]...

my whole being is affirmed [and i can receive the holiness / wholeness of Jesus]...

i guess the victories will come one day at a time...

Jesus and i made it through today...

tomorrow is another day...

there will be enough grace for the morning when it arrives [after a good night's sleep]...

maybe we would all be better off to receive God's "present" and...

live one day at a time...

pax...

guy

a side note...

one of my favorite patients turned 50 yesterday...

what a blessing...

when i first met her at the end of 2008, i didn't think she would make 2009...

but she did and she is still going...

guess God really is in control [although she has breast, brain, lung, bone and marrow concer]...

we celebrated the BIG 50 -- my family bought her a little CD player for her new apartment -- she said the place needed some music...

i am so glad barbara is in God's hands...

Lent day 7

good evening...

i closed my day today at starbucks doing my computer documentation...

FL has been back to normal for the past couple of days -- great winter weather -- 70 degrees and a nice breeze -- even at 6 p.m.

so i sat outside and thought for a few minutes...

what does it mean for me to embrace my shadow rather than running from it -- or trying to destroy that "darker" side of me???

sometimes i am tempted to embrace it, but keep it secret -- hide it away...

ignore it...

pretending it does not really matter...

NOT a good idea...

i have lived long enough to be really afraid of secrets...

so, i have carefully chosen some safe people and revealed my shadow -- my secret side...

paul tournier once said: "authentic mental / psychological health comes from living life with NO secrets..."

one thing i do know...

i cannot separate my internal life from my external interactions...

embracing my shadow does NOT mean hypocrisy -- being one thing inside and another thing outwardly...

henri nouwen says it best...

"What is most personal is most universal...

We like to make a distinction between our private and public lives and say, 'Whatever I do in my private life is nobody else's business.'

But anyone trying to live a spiritual life will soon discover that the most personal is the most universal, the most hidden is the most public, and the most solitary is the most communal.

What we live in the most intimate places of our beings is not just for us but for all people.

That is why our inner lives are lives for others.

That is why our solitude is a gift to our community, and that is why our most secret thoughts affect our common life.

Jesus says, 'No one lights a lamp to put it under a tub; they put it on the lamp-stand where it shines for everyone in the house' (Matthew 5:14-15).

The most inner light is a light for the world.

Let's not have 'double lives'; let us allow what we live in private to be known in public."

so, i am still searching during lent -- what do i do with my shadow...

how does owning it and embracing it make me whole?

how do i move beyond fearing it?

the answer must be a really good one because it is quite hard to discover...

the journey continues...

how about you???

shalom to all...

guy

a further thought -- how might i make my shadow my friend???

Lent Day 6

happy monday...

KAIROS is a micro church at the tampa underground...

we are small, but growing...

our calling is to serve as volunteers with LifePath Hospice in order to share the love of Jesus with those who are dying -- many are widows and widowers -- in the poorest zip codes of the city of tampa...

KAIROS is one of my ministry passions -- helping to release ministers into the matthew 25 places of our city...

embracing the sick, the dying, the overlooked, the lonely, the poor in spirit...

it all started one sunday when brian said he felt god calling us to a greater commitment to the widows and orphans of our city...

the holy spirit pierced my heart -- i know many widows and widowers -- maybe we can seize an opoortunity to serve...

our rally cry is colossians 4.2-6...

KAIROS speaks of "timely time" -- making the most of every opportunity -- especially with our patients who generally have six months or less to live...

today, i introduced a KAIROS man [jimmy] to his first new patient -- mr julio...

it was one of my most amazing hours as of late...

jimmy was awesome!

he connected...

love overflowed...

he is bilingual and connected in a way that i had never been able to connect...

he is a young hispanic male and he gave mr julio a highly treasured, but missing, gift -- jimmy showed him honor and respect as an elder...

mr julio melted in the exchange...

i could almost feel the healing in his soul...

the spirit was so palpable -- i could feel god in the air...

i could not have been any happier for him [or any prouder of jimmy]...

yea god -- another win for the kingdom...

mr julio wants jimmy to come every other week and share the journey with him...

way to go god [and jimmy]!!!

this is KAIROS -- making the most of god-given moments -- opportunities to shine the irrational and awe-inspiring love of jesus into some very dark places...

join me in celebrating this evening...

pax et bonum...

guy

if any of you out there in tampa land want to seize the moment -- why not consider KAIROS -- we have room for a few more jimmys...

lent day 5

greetings!

last night, i closed the blog talking about the rhythms of life...

this morning, i read this by henri nouwen...

"Lent is the most important time of the year to nurture our inner life...

It is the time during which we not only prepare ourselves to celebrate the mystery of the death and resurrection of Jesus, but also the death and resurrection that constantly takes place within us...

Life is a continuing process of the death of the old and the familiar, and being reborn again into a new hope, a new trust, and a new love.

The death and resurrection of Jesus therefore is not just an historical event that took place a long time ago, but an inner event that takes place in our heart when we are willing to be attentive to it...

Lent offers a beautiful opportunity to discover the mystery of Christ within us.

It is a gentle but also demanding time.

It is a time of solitude but also community, it is a time of listening to the voice within, but also a time of paying attention to other people's needs.

It is a time to continuously make the passage to new inner life as well as to life with those around us.

When we live Lent attentively and gently, then Easter can truly be a celebration during which the full proclamation of the risen Christ will reverberate into the deepest place of our being."

go henri!

more insight for living the rhythms of life...

shalom...

guy

have a great week...

i am headed to john 2.13ff -- i am preaching next sunday at the underground on the cleansing of the temple -- "what would Jesus say now???"

Lent day 4

Had a blast cutting firewood at the farm in Plant City today...

Jeep had a blast too [running wild and free] -- he was such a sight with the cows...

Crucible [our name for public worship service] was awesome tonight at the tampa underground...

I love going to Saturday night church [Crucible] -- the strip in Ybor is so full of life [or something bizarre like it] -- hard to believe folks dress that way in public [ha! ha!]... Guess they are "hungry" and looking for "something"...

Tonight, I am thinking of the RHYTHM of life -- life must have a certain rhythm...

Sorrow and joy...

Engagement and disengagement...

Burning the midnight oil and rest...

Fasting and feasting...

In want and with plenty...

But, do we embrace the diversity of the rhythm?

How well do we do with the extremes -- the polar opposites?

Seems we tend to get stuck at one extreme or the other?

To do so in NOT authentic life -- real life has its rhythms...

My rhythm tells me it is time to cuddle with Jeep and enjoy the fireplace -- now that's really spiritual...

Pax...

guy

Have a blessed Sunday -- I will be sleeping in [since we did church tonight] -- are you envious???

Lent Day 3

I am so tired...

But, it has been a great night...

Great chicken soup [thanks Nancy]...

Great cornbread [thanks Josh]...

A quiet night inside on a cool FL winter night -- I refused to go out tonight...

A glass of red wine...

A fire in the fireplace...

Jeep [our new white Boxer pup -- Josh has pics of him on his FaceBook page] cuddled up next to me on the couch -- he is so sweet that I could barely tear myself away to write tonight...

AND IT IS FRIDAY -- thank God!!!

After years of brutal fundamentalism [of various varieties] which made sure that I kept beating myself up over my imperfections [and secretly wondering if God had really had enough of my failures and had given up on me] -- NOW, I am coming home spiritually to the remarkable reality that I, in all my brokenness, am God's beloved!

NOTHING can ever rip me out of my Father's embrace of love...

NOTHING can thwart his plan for me...

NOTHING can compromise his irrational and all-powerful love for me...

I am secure...

I am safe...

I am home...

I belong...

I am his...

What a difference it makes to accept ALL of me -- even my shadow -- not trying to destroy that part of me...

Stop and think -- it makes no sense to pursue authentic wholeness or holiness while at the same time rejecting whole parts of who we are [THANKS JIM]...

As Richard Rohr says:

"Isn’t it wonderful news, brothers and sisters, that we come to God not by our perfection but by our imperfection! That gives all of us an equal chance, and utterly levels the human playing field. No pretending is necessary.

Deep within each of us live both a leper and a wolf in Franciscan imagery: Francis embraced the leper on the road, and called it his conversion; then Francis tamed the wolf in Gubbio in his later years. The stories did happen historically, but first of all they operated in his soul.

It is on the inside that lepers and wolves first must be found. If we haven’t been able to kiss many lepers, if we haven’t been able to tame many wolves, it’s probably because we haven’t first of all made friends with our own leprosy and the ferocious wolf within all of us. Name and forgive your inner leper today. Nurse and tend her wounds. Name your inner wolf. Tame him by gentle patience and forgiveness."

I love his imagery...

And Nouwen as well...

"What is the basis of our security?

When we start thinking about that question, we may give many answers: success, money, friends, property, popularity, family, connections, insurance, and so on. We may not always think that any of these forms the basis of our security, but our actions or feelings may tell us otherwise. When we start losing our money, our friends, or our popularity, our anxiety often reveals how deeply our sense of security is rooted in these things.

A spiritual life is a life in which our security is based not in any created things, good as they may be, but in God, who is everlasting love. We probably will never be completely free from our attachment to the temporal world, but if we want to live in that world in a truly free way, we'd better not belong to it. "You cannot be the slave both of God and of money" (Luke 16:13)."

My security is in MY TRUE IDENTITY -- I am a beloved son of God...

Praise God...

I will sleep much easier tonight than I used to...

I have firewood to cut on the farm tomorrow so I am headed to bed...

Don't forget to check out our little Jeep on Josh's FB page...

Blessings...

guy

Jeep just sighed GOOD NIGHT to you all...

Lent Day 2

Hope you had a great day...

Do you remember the thought from yesterday about our broken places being an open door for God's grace to invade our lives afresh???

Well, look what came in today from Fr Richard Rohr...

I am sure this is just a coincidence -- right...

"How does one incorporate imperfection?

In a Navajo rug there is always one clear imperfection woven into the pattern. And interestingly enough, this is precisely where the Spirit moves in and out of the rug! The Semitic mind, the Eastern mind (which, by the way, Jesus would have been much closer to) understands perfection in precisely that way. The East is much more comfortable with paradox, mystery, and non-dual thinking than the Western mind which is formed by Greek logic.

Perfection is not the elimination of imperfection, as we think. Divine perfection is, in fact, the ability to recognize, forgive, and include imperfection!—just as God does with all of us. Only in this way can we find the beautiful and hidden wholeness of God underneath the passing human show. It is the gift of non-dual thinking and seeing, which itself is a gift of love, suffering, and grace. In fact, this is the radical grace that grounds all holy seeing and doing."

WOW!!!

How liberating...

My broken places are a showcase for God's glory...

The cracks in my pot are the entry points for God's presence...

My imperfections are the opportunity to experience his perfection...

GOOD NEWS [at least for all of us broken people]...

Pax et bonum...

guy

THANK GOD tomorrow is Friday!!!

Ash Wednesday 2010

Greetings again...

Well, Lent begins today...

I received the ashes on my forehead during an Ash Wednesday observance at the Sun City office of LifePath Hospice...

I left them on -- wore them all day...

In my journal, I wrote some ramdom thoughts about beginning the Lenten journey in 2010 -- so here goes...

I am so thankful for the upcoming 40 days -- a season set apart for reflection, evaluation and engagement...

My ashes reminded me of the brokenness of our world...

My ashes reminded me of the imperfection of people -- including me...

Am I broken over my own brokenness?

What about you?

I remember the words of Jesus: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted..."

I guess mourning must come before the comfort...

Lent will be a season for transformation -- first will come awareness, then action, then grace and change...

The journey is a "coming home" in a spiritual sense...

In the words of Henri Nouwen: "We are not what we do. We are not what we have. We are not what others think of us. Coming home is claiming the truth. I am the beloved child of a loving Creator."

I love the thought from Richard Rohr today in RADICAL GRACE: "Spirituality is about WAKING UP! We have lost the spiritual disciplines and tools to know how to remain awake..."

I am praying for a wake up call -- 40 days to WAKE UP!!!

What are our points of blindness???

What do we NOT see???

How will we come to see???

Time in God's presence...

Extra reflection...

Revelation...

Being with the Lord until we see with his eyes...

Spiritual eyes wide open...

Rohr continues: Sometimes "it's the hole in our soul, that place where we are radically broken, where we are powerless and therefore open" -- God enters in through the open door of our pain, brokenness and woundedness...

In the next 40 days plus, I want to embrace my shadow -- rather than hate it, fight it and curse it...

How so???

Be honest about the shadow -- it is there and it is a part of ME!

Grow in awareness of the shadow side of me...

Accept the reality that I am accepted by my Father -- my shadow does not scare him...

Embrace my shadow -- in admitting my powerlessness, i will discover God's power...

Celebrate my shadow as a prime entrance point of God's grace...

I am ready for the journey...

Actually looking forward to it...

How about you???

It will be even better if we go together...

Pax...