greetings!
this is my easter gift from jesus...
wow...
yes, this is true...
it really happened TODAY...
a moment frozen in eternity for my patient jennifer -- and for me...
enjoy...
please thank god along with me as well!!!
i am sending it out to my underground family too...
"Jennifer became a patient of hospice on 13 September 2009…
48 years old… Alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver… Acute hepatitis C…
Terminal – less than a year to live…
She looks very “old”…
I guess Jennifer has “earned” her way into hospice – a lifelong drunk and drug abuser… Complete with a lifetime of shattered relationships and broken dreams scattered along the way… An infamous party animal…
She is poor… A county-assisted cremation…
Not a whole lot to show for what should be half a life…
Upon admission, she was asked if she would like to see a hospice chaplain…
“Hell no, I don’t need another damn preacher pointing their finger at me and preaching at me about what a worthless piece of humanity I am – I’ve heard that enough…”
Guess she had only met one kind of Christian…
Her primary care nurse assured her that our team chaplain [me] was pretty “irreligious” and didn’t even seem like a “real minister”… I took that as a compliment…
She balked for a moment, but then reluctantly agreed to my visits… I started going every month beginning in October… At first, she really tested me – guess she was “proving me”… Waiting to see if I would pull out my gospel finger and fire away at what was left at her self-esteem… Checking to see what kind of “love” I was marketing…
Slowly, but surely, a friendship began to form… We shared a deeper honesty… We began to open our hearts to one another…
In March, Jennifer confided: “Guy, I am scared to die…”
I could sense the Holy Spirit at work in both of us… I am hopeful… Kinda excited…
God spoke to me about visiting Jennifer on Good Friday…
I dropped by about 10:15 a.m. – it was a miracle – she was up and finally answered the door…
“I only have a few moments to visit Guy – I was hurting so bad – had to get up and take some morphine – as soon as it starts to work, I am going back to sleep – OK?”
I was so grateful for a few moments…
I was shocked when I walked in and sat down – she had declined so much in only one month… I leaned toward her…
She showed me her “elephant legs” – so swelled up! They were red and stretched so tight… They were “weeping” liquid right through her skin…
She looked 10 months pregnant! Her abdomen was so bloated… Her body was so toxic – her liver is shutting down… The whites of her eyes are yellow – so is her skin…
Lately, she will go for days without being able to sleep… Her eyes looked so empty… A faraway stare…
She was drinking a PBR [Pabst Blue Ribbon]… Her beer of choice…
I took a deep breath and gathered my “gut”…
We plunged into some small talk – but not for long… Jennifer stunned me… A direct shot…
“So Guy, what do you think happens after we die?”
This was no test – this was a true quest – the real deal… She was all ears… Listening…
We had a God moment – a moment frozen in time – a moment of clarity… Connection… It was holy and sacred… I could literally feel God in her cluttered little house… Surreal…
Thank God for the thoughts in my blog the last few days during Holy Week… Guess the Spirit knew just what I needed… And yes, he does bring stuff to our remembrance at just the right “kairos” moment…
I talked about forgiveness – release from all guilt and shame… I talked about heaven – a spiritual home… I talked about a loving God – who welcomes his children with open arms… I talked about eternity – never again having to say goodbye! I talked about a new body – one that would never decay, decline or die… I talked about LIFE the way God always intended for it to be…
I talked about Good Friday… And Easter Sunday…
About giving up… And about hope…
About betrayal and rejection… And about love of another kind that never gives up…
About death… And resurrection and life…
Jennifer is “Good Friday” in so many ways… So broken… Such suffering… Pain so deep…
Could Resurrection Sunday really be just around the corner for her???
Silence… Extended moments… A fruitful pause…
“Guy, it all sounds good – I would love to believe it – but I’m a piece of crap – look at me – it is probably true for others, but NOT me… No way God can ever love me…”
More silence…
I moved toward her… I looked deep into Jennifer’s eyes… I felt a “rush”…
“Jennifer, I don’t know everything – maybe I don’t even know much – but I do know one thing and I know it without a single doubt – GOD LOVES YOU! I am sure about this – maybe it is surprising, but it is true truth! God loves you just like you are… You are his beloved child… When he looks at you, all he feels is tenderness and acceptance – LOVE!”
“And all God wants is for you to receive his love and respond back…”
“Guy, I feel a little strange right now… I feel broken and humble – I really need God… I feel warm – like his love may be real – and for me… Like I am ready to respond – can I have a relationship with God?”
“Yes Jennifer – can I preach to you for a moment?” [She smiled…]
“Look at my clenched fist… When we live our lives with a clenched fist and seize control of our lives – it is all about us – no room for God… Not good – we often mess things up…”
“Like I have?” [She looked down…]
“Like we all have Jennifer!”
“Now look at my open hand… I have released my life to God – it is all about him – he is God and I am not… With an open hand, I can now receive grace from him…”
“Are you are ready to unclench your fist – and open your hand to God?”
“How’s that for a short sermon…”
“You didn’t even ask me for money…” [She chuckled…]
Another quiet moment…
“Guy, are you saying that I need to turn the reins of my life over to God?”
“Yes Jennifer…”
“Guy, I am ready -- will you help me pray?”
“You got it…”
I moved closer… I took her hands in my hands… We felt the tender breath of God…
We prayed…
We asked for forgiveness – we released the past – we surrendered the future – we asked God to fill the NOW moment and keep filling it – to “take the reins” from now on – forever… We even thanked God for the “stuff” of life that brought humility – for the brutal wall that got her attention and turned her around – for the kindness of God that welcomed her home… We asked for resurrection power to birth new life in her wasted frame… We asked for God to give her his life before she died…
The Good News – Easter Sunday invading Good Friday…
Jennifer was crying…
“Guess God opened up the waterworks – he’s clearing out my nose – is it OK to cry?”
“I hope so – cause I’m crying too…”
She was ready for a nap… What a hug… She walked me out…
I made it to the Scion – I was weeping as I drove away…
Another moment… A “kairos” moment… A resurrection moment…
Jennifer is now alive – really alive – the life of God is now a reality in her – FOREVER!!!
And I was there – I feel so small – God is so big – thank you Lord for “kairos” moments that change us for all eternity…
Happy Easter 2010!!!
Guy
See you at the Centro Asturiano…"
keep praying for me...
i live for these moments...
i will pray that god will bless you with "kairos" moments as well...
Friday, April 2, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Good Friday...
greetings...
i am sitting here in the living room crying...
this blog came alive tonight...
Jeep thinks i must have lost it...
hope it touches my undergroound family -- and YOU -- the way it stirs me...
enjoy...
"I prayed to receive Jesus in my heart one night when my Mom and I were saying our goodnight prayers at the farmhouse in Plant City… I was young – really young – I don’t think I had even started school yet… So I honestly can’t remember a time when I wasn’t a follower of Jesus [or at least on the journey]…
But I can remember the very day when the reality of the resurrection came alive – fully alive – to me… It was a surprise – a shock – it was a revelation – an awakening… Not in church… Not in seminary… Not at a conference…
It was almost 50 years later in my spiritual journey… Holy Week two years ago… At a rundown trailer on the outskirts of Claire Mel… In a dingy and depressing little bedroom that seemed a lot like a prison cell… The TV was always blaring – it numbed the mind and took away the pain of thinking… The smell was memorable…
I had been visiting David for about a year…
An Assembly of God kid who loved Jesus and believed in heaven – in fact, he was living for heaven – it was the bright spot in his drab pseudo-existence… He was in his mid-20s and dying… Dying a slow and suffocating death from Lou Gehrig’s disease [ALS]…
I watched death crawl up his body – starting at his feet – paralyzing him as the disease raged to the north… It took his feet – he could no longer walk… It took his legs – he could no longer stand… It took the muscle control of his bowels – 20something sporting a diaper… It took his stomach – food lost its appeal… I watched David fading away into eternity with every visit…
Death was slowly creeping up his body…
It was getting really serious by the spring – the disease had set its sights on his lungs… David was struggling to sit up – it was becoming a challenge to breathe – every breath was a battle – a consuming labor… The days were numbered – it wouldn’t be long now… You die when you can’t breathe anymore…
So I showed up to see David on Holy Week two years ago…
I 'crawled' into his cell… He turned the TV down… We started to chat… He wanted to talk about heaven – he smiled and said that he was 'dying to get there' – we chuckled… The disease had not destroyed his sense of humor… Even small victories are a thrill…
Then it happened…
I suddenly said something I can never take credit for [cause I’m just not this bright] – it was a 'kairos' moment – a God moment – an encounter with the holy – we had a moment suspended in time where we were both fully present in the present – face-to-face with the Lord…
'David, did you know there is something even better than heaven?'
'Now Chaplain Guy, I ain’t too sure about that – what could be better than heaven?'
'Well, you are going to heaven – but you will have a brand new body – a spiritual body just like Jesus!'
The pause seemed almost eternal… I could see a tear forming… Then a smile – a radiant one that transformed his whole face…
'Chaplain Guy, I am going to heaven with a brand new body – NO MORE ALS BODY FOR ME! I will be able to walk – to run – to jump – no more limitations…'
'Yes David, you will have "a resurrection body that will never decline, decay or die"’! [quoted from NT Wright in Surprised by Hope]…
'NO MORE ALS BODY!!!'
I suddenly got it!
I was looking at 'Good Friday' – a human being gripped by suffering – a beloved son of the Father who was enduring the curse of sin, sickness and a fallen existence…
The agony of Good Friday… The unspeakable tragedy of suffering… The short-term victory of darkness and death… A work of redemption yet unfinished…
Good Friday…
But, Easter Sunday will soon dawn!
It may be Friday but Sunday is coming!
Beyond the darkness is the light! Beyond the night is the dawn! Beyond death is life! Beyond the comma of defeat is the exclamation point of resurrection! Beyond defeat is sweet victory! Beyond the incomplete is fulfillment and perfection! Beyond the cross and grave is the empty tomb – JESUS IS RISEN!
Easter Sunday came soon for David…
He couldn’t get his breath. His body betrayed him. ALS won for the moment. He died…
But now he lives… He is filled with the very breath of God… He is in heaven… He has a brand new body… No more decline, decay or death… ALS has no power over him… No more goodbyes – cause eternity is forever – with Jesus!
Maybe today is like a Good Friday in your life – a rough spot…
Do not lose hope – Resurrection Sunday is dawning very soon…
It was on Good Friday that Jesus boldly proclaimed: 'IT IS FINISHED!' [John 19.30]
Paul knew the power of the resurrection: 'Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? How we thank God, who gives us the victory over sin and death through Jesus Christ our risen Lord!' [1 Corinthians 15.54-57]
'David, I am looking forward to seeing you again – NO MORE ALS BODY…'
I finish tonight with tears of joy – I will never forget this moment – this 'kairos' revelation when the resurrection became reality for me… More than a doctrine… More than history… More than a confession… SPIRITUAL REALITY!!!
And it is still just that real…
Thank you for sharing this journey with me during Holy Week – see you Sunday!!!"
i hope i never "get over" this moment...
guy
i am sitting here in the living room crying...
this blog came alive tonight...
Jeep thinks i must have lost it...
hope it touches my undergroound family -- and YOU -- the way it stirs me...
enjoy...
"I prayed to receive Jesus in my heart one night when my Mom and I were saying our goodnight prayers at the farmhouse in Plant City… I was young – really young – I don’t think I had even started school yet… So I honestly can’t remember a time when I wasn’t a follower of Jesus [or at least on the journey]…
But I can remember the very day when the reality of the resurrection came alive – fully alive – to me… It was a surprise – a shock – it was a revelation – an awakening… Not in church… Not in seminary… Not at a conference…
It was almost 50 years later in my spiritual journey… Holy Week two years ago… At a rundown trailer on the outskirts of Claire Mel… In a dingy and depressing little bedroom that seemed a lot like a prison cell… The TV was always blaring – it numbed the mind and took away the pain of thinking… The smell was memorable…
I had been visiting David for about a year…
An Assembly of God kid who loved Jesus and believed in heaven – in fact, he was living for heaven – it was the bright spot in his drab pseudo-existence… He was in his mid-20s and dying… Dying a slow and suffocating death from Lou Gehrig’s disease [ALS]…
I watched death crawl up his body – starting at his feet – paralyzing him as the disease raged to the north… It took his feet – he could no longer walk… It took his legs – he could no longer stand… It took the muscle control of his bowels – 20something sporting a diaper… It took his stomach – food lost its appeal… I watched David fading away into eternity with every visit…
Death was slowly creeping up his body…
It was getting really serious by the spring – the disease had set its sights on his lungs… David was struggling to sit up – it was becoming a challenge to breathe – every breath was a battle – a consuming labor… The days were numbered – it wouldn’t be long now… You die when you can’t breathe anymore…
So I showed up to see David on Holy Week two years ago…
I 'crawled' into his cell… He turned the TV down… We started to chat… He wanted to talk about heaven – he smiled and said that he was 'dying to get there' – we chuckled… The disease had not destroyed his sense of humor… Even small victories are a thrill…
Then it happened…
I suddenly said something I can never take credit for [cause I’m just not this bright] – it was a 'kairos' moment – a God moment – an encounter with the holy – we had a moment suspended in time where we were both fully present in the present – face-to-face with the Lord…
'David, did you know there is something even better than heaven?'
'Now Chaplain Guy, I ain’t too sure about that – what could be better than heaven?'
'Well, you are going to heaven – but you will have a brand new body – a spiritual body just like Jesus!'
The pause seemed almost eternal… I could see a tear forming… Then a smile – a radiant one that transformed his whole face…
'Chaplain Guy, I am going to heaven with a brand new body – NO MORE ALS BODY FOR ME! I will be able to walk – to run – to jump – no more limitations…'
'Yes David, you will have "a resurrection body that will never decline, decay or die"’! [quoted from NT Wright in Surprised by Hope]…
'NO MORE ALS BODY!!!'
I suddenly got it!
I was looking at 'Good Friday' – a human being gripped by suffering – a beloved son of the Father who was enduring the curse of sin, sickness and a fallen existence…
The agony of Good Friday… The unspeakable tragedy of suffering… The short-term victory of darkness and death… A work of redemption yet unfinished…
Good Friday…
But, Easter Sunday will soon dawn!
It may be Friday but Sunday is coming!
Beyond the darkness is the light! Beyond the night is the dawn! Beyond death is life! Beyond the comma of defeat is the exclamation point of resurrection! Beyond defeat is sweet victory! Beyond the incomplete is fulfillment and perfection! Beyond the cross and grave is the empty tomb – JESUS IS RISEN!
Easter Sunday came soon for David…
He couldn’t get his breath. His body betrayed him. ALS won for the moment. He died…
But now he lives… He is filled with the very breath of God… He is in heaven… He has a brand new body… No more decline, decay or death… ALS has no power over him… No more goodbyes – cause eternity is forever – with Jesus!
Maybe today is like a Good Friday in your life – a rough spot…
Do not lose hope – Resurrection Sunday is dawning very soon…
It was on Good Friday that Jesus boldly proclaimed: 'IT IS FINISHED!' [John 19.30]
Paul knew the power of the resurrection: 'Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? How we thank God, who gives us the victory over sin and death through Jesus Christ our risen Lord!' [1 Corinthians 15.54-57]
'David, I am looking forward to seeing you again – NO MORE ALS BODY…'
I finish tonight with tears of joy – I will never forget this moment – this 'kairos' revelation when the resurrection became reality for me… More than a doctrine… More than history… More than a confession… SPIRITUAL REALITY!!!
And it is still just that real…
Thank you for sharing this journey with me during Holy Week – see you Sunday!!!"
i hope i never "get over" this moment...
guy
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